Tag: parenting

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Time for Children

Andi

An important piece of the parenting we employ in our home is giving our children our time and attention for even just a few moments each day. Taking the time to focus on your kids builds the bond between you and fills the child’s need for affection and belonging. This helps in future instances when there is a trouble. Setting up this as normal when they are young sets up a better foundation for when they are teens and later adults. Now, I do not have first hand experience with teen or adult children as mine are still young, but I do trust the knowledge of those who have both studied brain development and raised children of their own. I also have seen the direct effects this has on my children when I make the effort to be with them compared to when I do not. 

This in theory is quite simple. Come home, sit down, play a card game with your child, eat dinner, go to bed. Easy right? Not always. We are wildly distracted in our modern lives. It is hard for some people to leave their phones in another room for 10 minutes. The dog decides that is the perfect time to barf in the living room. The next project needs to be done and work is demanding we finish it NOW. There are 10,000 other tasks that need to be finished. 

Probably the biggest obstacle is time. As parents we often feel like there is no time for all of the things we need to do. We have to work full time, keep the house orderly, keep the bills paid on time, keep the car maintenance up to date, make doctor appointments and get the kids there on time, make sure your partner is also getting regular checkups, get the kids into extracurriculars, keep them up to speed on their homework, cook healthy food, clean so many dishes you feel like you are drowning in cups and plates, take care of the pets too, keep a garden, grocery shop, plan parties, keep up with your friends, drive kids to their friends, wash yourself, be sure to keep up with your self care, try to teach your kids how to properly self care, attempt to read a leisurely book, don’t forget to cancel that free subscription before it charges you, manage your finances, nurture your relationship with your partner, buy more batteries, and on and on and on. It never stops. We get home from work and just want to stop thinking. Believe me, I understand. That’s why I say, I have to put forth the effort to make this a priority, because sometimes, it is an effort. I write it onto my daily planner so I cannot forget it. Eventually the act will become routine. 

I think another barrier for some people is they don’t have the money to be taking their kids out to places and buying them things. Doing a science experiment with your kid is a great way to spend time together, but what if you don’t have the money to buy the kit? The bills and rent or mortgage are more important than a game your kid wants to play. It’s better that they have food to eat and a place to sleep. You don’t have to spend any money or much to spend that few minutes with your child. They can help you cook dinner. You can color in a coloring book together. Walk to the local library and take a class there together. 

In our house, each parent gets an individual time out with each child at least once a month in addition to those little daily moments and a family outting. How exactly do we manage that? We don’t over do the event. It’s certainly special, but it doesn’t have to be elaborate either. Again, the fact that you are giving them your time and attention is what is vital here, not how much you spend or how fancy the event is. My Sister in Law has taken my niece to get pedicures together, but she has also taken her to get an ice cream and that was their Mom & Daughter time. 

On our recent Time Out, I took my son to the playground and we played together. Then we went to the International Market and he got to pick out the fruit he wanted to try, and we went home and ate our treats. How exactly is taking your child to the store with you a special event? Because it was just us together, having a good time and experiencing new fruits he hadn’t ever eaten before. The park isn’t fancy, but it was so awesome to him because I was there playing with him. My partner has taken the kids to the store to pick out a game and then came home and played it with them. With my other child, we went and ate the biggest cinnamon roll we’d ever seen, and then went to the library. It was a blast, and honestly so refreshing for both of us.

The important thing here is you spending uninterrupted time with your kids. They need this attention from you. By giving them yourself, they will have a stronger foundation to stand on when they go out. It will make them feel more secure and confident. You really are important to them. It truly is worth the effort it takes to build the relationship with them in small simple ways like giving them 10 minutes of your day or by taking one on one time out together.

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Its the Little Moments

Andi

Right now your world may feel like it’s in a tailspin. You may still be going to work everyday and each day seems like there is a new policy in place and everything has to change again. You might have to be quarantined due to an exposure and you are stuck at home wondering what to do with your time, probably freaking out a little and calling to make a testing appointment. Perhaps you are fretting over your finances and wondering how to pay all the bills due to cut backs in hours or loss of work.

Right now is so hard. Parents are panicked trying to make this the best they can for their kids and ensure they still get an education. Employees are stressed over whether they will be able to keep their jobs. Business owners are sweating the possibility of closing for good. Everyone is in a hard place.

Every once in a while though, I turn it all off. I shut off my phone and leave it in another room. I shut off the TV for the day. I grab a ball and I sit down on the floor with my kids and we roll the ball back and forth and I let all my worries roll away for a moment.

You and I, we all need those little moments of peace. Where we aren’t thinking about our worries or struggles. Where the only thought in our heads is the sound of our child’s laughter. Those are the moments your children will remember when they are adults. When they can better understand the struggle we were going through and how precious it was that you stopped what you were doing to throw a ball back and forth. Those adorable little moments will be what you carry with you into your elderly years as well. You will remember forever that giggle and those chubby cheeks.

Its the little moments. Make them happen.

family, Positively Balanced

Utilizing Montessori at Home as published on Positively Balanced

Andi

My most recent article has been published on Positively Balanced Women’s Health Platform and it would be an honor if you’d take a look.

Thank you all for continuing to read my work. I appreciate it greatly.

Utilizing Montessori at Home

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From Empty Time to Every Second Filled

Andi

Just to give a little insight into how upturned my life has suddenly become, I want to share a little glimpse into just an average weekend here.

7 months ago, I was a typical stay at home parent. I spent nearly all of my hours caring for somebody or something. We had scheduled playdates, outings, physical activities, etc. I was looking for a job to help provide income and give myself some solid structure.

Then all the lockdowns hit and I became a pandemic stay at home parent. Anything we did had to be done in the home. our outings turned into daily walks to get outside somehow. I could nap in the middle of the day when my kid took one. We consumed an unhealthy amount of screen time. It got lazy in our house.

But in the midst of the chaos that has been 2020, I did find a job, and began working. Intending on working for a while, learning the ropes so to speak. Eventually I was hopefully going to be able to further my education through the program provided by my employer to advance in the workplace. I was imagining like, a years worth of time in this process. But things don’t turn out how we imagine them do they?

Due to a combination of the effects of the virus and some fellow employees quitting, I was thrust into a higher position a little by happenstance. I have tried my best to live up to the expectations set before me, but I have so much to learn about things still. Because the position I am being put into requires training, I was given to permission to start online classes. A little unfortunately, the in person classes have been suspended and online is my only option right now.

So now, I am working full time, taking online classes, and spending time with my family, and trying to keep myself and my space from looking disheveled and insane. I could not do this without the assistance of my partner. Between the rowdy kids, outside stressors and obligations from regular life, the way the house seems to magically get messy, the fact humans need food to eat, and the need for rest, I would not be able to juggle it all alone.

I do most of my work on Saturdays because it is the most free day of the week. sometimes Sunday, depends on which day is our “Chill and Relax” day. We have one every weekend to give our brains a break.

Having prefaced all of that, this is how my day progressed.

I woke up at 4am to one of the kids crying and coming to my bed. This is not uncommon, they crawl into bed with us if they wake up in the middle of the night. I thought we just had wet the bed situation and treated it as such, but did not go into the bedroom because I thought I could deal with that in the morning. Everyone settled and went back to sleep. I woke up about 7am and laid there about 30 minutes before getting up. I woke the kids up when I got up. It was at this point I finally went into their bedroom and discovered the moistness of my child was not from pee, but from vomit. It was on the bed and the floor. So I had to clean the floor and strip the bed. Check on the child for fever and signs of sickness. Contact my employer and let them in on the situation in case it ended up causing me to need to call in on Monday. Got laundry going, and gave the kids breakfast.

Its about 8:30 and I sit down to do a class; the kids contentedly playing in the Livingroom. Each class section is 1-2 hours long. After I finish each section I get up and stretch, move around, chase the kids, build a Lego car, etc. Today I had to get up to move the laundry and vacuum as well due to the vomit situation. I did two sections before pausing to clean the bathroom and change the cat litter. I then did my store run and stopped by the library. I came back and made up some lunch and then swept the floors. All throughout this my partner has bathed both the kids, kept them occupied, mopped, folded the clean laundry and kept and eye on the probably sick one. So I was able to sit down and do another couple sections about 2:30pm with a couple pauses to help the kids draw pictures and build a tower.

I feel like every minute of time has to allocated to something, even if the something is rest, so that nothing gets forgotten. My planner that was all but empty back in April is filled to the brim now. We have a lot going on, all good things, but still a lot of good things. Adulting may be fun, but it also incredibly hard, and can easily become overwhelming. Remember to give yourself grace and time to rest. If your schedule is full, write in time to do something you enjoy. For me, my afternoon visit to the library was a moment of refresh. I take time to paint. We have one day of the weekend we purposely have no plans and just take a break from everything. Keeping busy is good for me, but taking a rest is also mandatory. Another must is setting aside the time to be with my children and my partner. They also need my attention and affection. I need to give them that. I Must make room for that in my schedule.

My time has gone from very empty to very full very quickly, and while I love it, it can also be a little frenzied sometimes.

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Stay at Home Schedule compared to Full Time Working Schedule

Andi

As I’m starting a new job and heading into the working parent world for the first time in a couple years, I thought it’d interesting to see the differences between my normal schedule now and my normal schedule then. To start with, I’ve been home full time with my kids for about 18 months now. This will also be the first time my kids are going to be outside the home while I work. Previously they’ve stayed with family, now they will be attending preschool.

I may discuss later some of the troubles I had finding childcare I trusted and was cost efficient whilst also finding a job that accommodated my family well. Right now, I’m just looking at daily life.

I’ll begin with our Full Time At Home Schedule.

6:30am Wake Up! the alarm goes off and I roll out of my comfy bed

6:30-8:30am Coffee Time!! I get my husband’s lunch out of the fridge, and make my cup of coffee. Then I sit down and drink it whilst I scroll through social media, check the news from the day before, etc.

8:30am Breakfast by 8:30 the kids are awake and breakfast can be served. Our morning meal is usually pretty light and informal. Maybe it’s fruit, or yogurt, or cereal. Nothing fancy.

9:00-12:00 Time to Clean The mornings are generally spent doing the cleaning tasks around the house. Washing laundry, vacuuming, doing dishes, so on. Once a week, I do a deep clean day that takes up most of the day.

12pm- 1pm Lunch I start Lunch about noon and then we eat.

1pm-4pm Afternoon Activity Sometimes this is a craft, sometimes it means baking cookies, or heading out to a museum or for a walk. We try to get outside if at all possible. Around 4, we start to head home to prepare for the evening.

4pm Tea Time I try to make myself a cup of tea in the afternoon to slow down for a minute. The children often bring me books to read to them as well. Its a few moments of quiet.

5pm-6:30pm Cook Now its time to begin preparing dinner, unless I’m making a crock pot dinner.

6:30-7:30pm Dinnertime

7:30-9:00pm Unwinding If anyone needs a bath, they get one, pajamas are put on, cuddles are issued. This is just whatever family play time is needed.

9pm Bedtime Sometimes this is only meant for the kids and we stay up later, but sometimes, everyone goes to bed. Especially if it’s been a taxing day and everyone is tired.

During the week I plan for an Outting, a Deep Clean Day, a Craft Day, a Walk, and a Pajama Day. After our schedule changes, this aspect of our routine will also have to change.

From the start the biggest changes I’ve noticed are that I am exhausted at night and have fallen right to sleep most nights. I even drank a soda after noon the other day and still fell right to sleep. This didn’t used to happen.

Working Full Time Schedule

5:40 am Awaken Alarm Goes Off and I fall out of the Bed and try to do a little stretching. About a week into working my leg started hurting and the only answer I can come up with is, I wasn’t stretching and being up on my feet all day gave my poor lazy leg a shock. So I make it a point to stretch my muscles to start the day.

6:00 am Dressing I get myself dressed, face washed, hair put up, teeth brushed. This takes the most time of the morning ordeal.

6:20 am Awaken Children I wake up the children, though this usually takes a few wake ups. They like to crawl under the pillows and go back to sleep. Then I start a load of laundry and feed the Cat

6:25 am Awaken Children 2.0 wake up the children again. Make my cup of coffee and get the lunches into their lunch bags.

6:35 am Brush The kids are forced out of bed at this point if not already up and dressed and teeth brushed. This takes a few minutes depending on how cranky they are that morning.

6:45 am Making Beds the beds are made and shoes are put on. I open up the blinds on all the windows.

6:50-7:00 am GET OUT THE DOOR We leave the house

7:00-7:45 am In Tranist

8:00 am- 5:00 pm Work

5:15- 6:00 pm In Transit Again

6:00 pm Coming Home We return home and Dinner is started.

6:30-7:00ish Dinner is Served We eat dinner. I’ve tried to find several easy 30 minute dinners so we are able to eat at a decent time.

7:00pm Individual Time One on One time with each kid. This looks different every day, but it is very important that it happens.

7:30pm Human Clean Time Showers/Baths. During this time is also when my partner does whichever cleaning task is designated for that evening.

8:00pm House Clean Time Laundry Folded from the morning wash, and the dishes from dinner are washed. My partner uses this time to spend some one on one time with the kids.

8:30pm Slow Down Reading time for the kids. A time to quiet down and get cozy.

9:00pm Kid Snooze this is kid bedtime, sometimes also grown up bedtime depending on the day.

9:30pm Deep Breath relaxing time for the adults. Read a book, do a cross stitch, paint, watch a show, etc.

10:30pm Everyone Snooze adult bedtime

As for our scheduled days like I had before they’ve been expanded to once a month instead of once a week. We have a good Deep Clean day one Saturday for example. Since the kids do crafts and play outside at school, they don’t have the need for that at home as much as before. So I will plan a baking activity or a craft for a Saturday afternoon, but not as frequently. I try to fit Outtings in twice a month, mostly for the time together as a family. I enjoy our family trips and I’m not willing to give that up. One thing that has stayed the same is that one day of the weekend is a Pajama Day, regardless of whatever else we may be doing. We all need that day of rest. I am also still meeting once a week to paint with friends, now over zoom, but I’ve been certain to keep that.

I’ve been interested to see what things changed with a more full schedule. Our screen time has dropped, as has my time on social media. This is a positive. I think the negative has been that I’ve had more trouble keeping up with writing and editing. I’m remarkably happy with how things are going however. I am loving my job and my kids love preschool. I miss having spare time to just nap, but I’m also more fulfilled. I’m struggling to keep up with writing and editing though and that is massive negative.

As I balance my time better and better, I will work my writing time back in. I am improving my time management.

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Paper Rainbows

Andi

I did this craft with my children. Its a pretty simple premise. I’d suggest the kid doing this activity be about elementary age. It sounds easy to you and me, but it can become frustrating for a younger kid still developing their hand eye coordination and dexterity.

Materials needed are construction paper cut in a U shape, tissue paper cut into small squares, glue, pen or pencil, white paper crumpled.

Take your U shaped construction paper and dob a line of glue along the edge. Take a square of tissue paper and wrap it over the eraser end of your pencil. Turn over and place on the line of glue. Repeat process until the entire row is full. After you finished one color, go back to the glue and start the next row of color.

Once you’ve filled your entire rainbow, take your white paper and add some glue to it. Place and hold onto the ends of your rainbow for a few seconds until the glue takes hold.

My younger child gave up the pencil and took to crumpling the tissue paper into balls and putting those on the glue. It actually turned out just fine. If your child is having trouble with the pencil and paper, you can show them how to crumple the paper instead.

Allow time to dry of course, and the hang on the fridge, or in the window, or on the wall. Or your kid can run around showing everyone they see their pretty rainbow.

This craft was a little bit of a challenge for us. I’d say it took a good 30 minutes to and hour and then time to dry. My child got frustrated and walked away a couple times. But this activity pushed the limits of their ability, and helped improve it.

family

Pipe Cleaner Snakes

Andi

A bit ago, I had my kids do a beading activity. I noticed that my younger child was having a really hard time coordinating the moving string and the bead, to the point he was angrily frustrated and quit. I thought, surely there is a way for him to develop this skill without the frustration.

I’ve discussed the benefits of beading in my earlier post entitled Beading with Children. But any activity your children do should be doable without rage and irritation. Regular beading was a little too difficult for my younger child, so I adjusted the parameters a little bit to better fit their capabilities.

Instead of string, I gave them pipe cleaner to bead. Because pipe cleaners are stiff, they were simpler to coordinate. My child was able to do this craft without too much trouble. I’m fact they enjoyed it so much, they’d pull all the beads off and re-string them.

To add a little structure to this craft, we added little snake faces and positioned the snakes in funny ways. They turned out really cute with their tongues sticking out 😋.

This takes a little observation on the part of the adult. Can the children around you manage a wobbly string while they are beading, or do they need a little aide to work up to it? Another fun stringing activity involves those large wooden beads and shoe laces. Both of these will help a younger child develop their coordination to a point they can string beads, which in turns help develop other skills.

This craft did not cost a whole lot either. The beads I got in a set with some string for $1.99. You do not need that many, unless you have a burning desire to pick up a bunch of stray beads off the floor that rolled away. The pipe cleaners were $1 and I got the package of construction paper for $1 as well. Beading is so incredibly helpful and creative and costs so little. Give it a try with your kids!

family

Beading with Children

Andi

Beading seems overly simple. Just string a round piece of plastic/wood/clay with a hole in the middle onto a string. Easy right? It is, but it is also wildly educational. How is something so simple teaching anything? Well, most of what it teaches is developmental.

Beading aides in developing hand eye coordination, bilateral coordination (using both hands to do different tasks at the same time) and dexterity. They have to focus and carefully place the bead on the string. If they start having trouble, it can become a learning opportunity on patience and perseverance. Beading also gives them a sense of accomplishment at creating something themselves, which fuels imagination. In connection with that it can strengthen their planning and execution skills. Letting them lay out and design a pattern they like and then putting that plan to action to make something.

But beading can also be used in a more traditional teaching sense. Having the child count their beads can teach them numbers and counting in order. It could be used to teach pattern recognition and sequences. You could use beads to teach colors.

There are so many possibilities with beading. Get creative with it. Let them get creative with it.

Use beading as a way to be a light in someone’s life. Make several bracelets to give to friends, grandparents, the kind old lady in the grocery store who always says hi to you.

Beads and string are fairly inexpensive, but the activities they can create and lessons they can teach are immeasurable.

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Activities to do in the House

Andi

With many of the schools closing, businesses closing, many families are concerned how they will fill the time without going insane.

I went over the the Dollar Tree and found several great activities, and being the Dollar Tree, it was inexpensive. They have a surprisingly large variety of crafts and toys. I got a few craft kits, some sidewalk chalk, bubbles, and a little golf set. Just to have on hand as this virus escalates and its becoming more likely we will be quarantined at some point.

I did not get crayons or play dough there however. Both of these things can be purchased elsewhere for similar or even cheaper prices and better quality. You can get both at Walmart for a decent price.

We have activities I already had that will come in handy. Things like coloring books, puzzles, board games, dress up clothes, etc. These I think will also come in handy.

Many organizations are also putting free materials out for families to use. Scholastic for example is putting an educational program on their website with activities and books for you children to make use of and hopefully help keep their minds sharp. You can find this resource at

http://www.scholastic.com/learnathome

YouTube will of course have videos you can watch with your kids, educational and otherwise.

Keep your heads up. Doctors and scientists are already working overtime to develop a vaccine. By cancelling events, citizens are hoping to slow the spread of the virus, and maybe dissipate its severity. It kind of sucks, I’m going to be honest. I like going places, and can’t because everything had closed. But I understand why this is happening. To make the best of a bad situation, I’ve stocked up on activities and crafts I know the kids and I will enjoy doing together. We can make it through this!

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Positive Parenting pt 2 As published on Positively Balanced

Andi

The second part of my Positive Parenting article has been published on the Women’s Health platform Positively Balanced.

This platform is a project I am so honored to be working on. There are all kinds if resources already available and we are growing and building the platform every day. Check out my piece, and then read some of the other work on the site!

Have a stupendous day!

Positive Parenting: Part 2 The Principles