Tag: youth

family

Beauty Tips from Elderly Women

Andi

There are a plethora of beauty lines out there, all claiming to be the best magic cure for your skin care routine. We all strive to keep our youthful glow as we grow older and use various creams and ointments to accomplish this.

Stepping aside here to take note of the fact that when you are 55, you will not be able to still look 25, no matter what you use, because nature doesn’t work that way. There is a kind of unspoken pressure to always appear striking and youthful, even when we age. For some reason natural aging is shameful and should be covered up. For that matter any natural blemish is shameful and should be covered. But this caveat is a topic for another day.

I have had several elderly relatives in my life that I knew growing up. As a kid, I didn’t really take heed of their advice. I just filed it away under “whatever, I might need that in the future”. Trust me younger people, you will probably end up needing that in the future. Listen to the elderly. Another caveat for another day.

I’ve also noticed in the make-up videos I’ve seen, most women have blemishes, acne, scars, circles and splotches. I have often found myself berating my own skin because it isn’t perfect. Nobodies skin is perfect. No one’s. If it looks perfect, it’s because the blemishes have been covered. You are not flawed or ugly for having a spot.

Each person has different skin. This is why there never can be one magic skin routine. What happens to work on my skin, may make your skin blotchy, dry, or break out. I, for instance, have extremely sensitive skin, and the products a lot of other people use irritate my skin. I’ve had a lot of products thrown at me that did nothing or made the issue worse. So I’m not here to give you my skin care routine or products. What I am going to do is give you three tips some older ladies gave to me about their skin. And keep in mind, these women were old, and they definitely looked old. But when you are in your 90s and still looking vibrant and only 70, you are looking brilliant. I think their skin care was working, and through practice have earned the right to say, their tactics work.

1. Always Move in an Upward Motion

When applying cream, makeup, or any other contact with your face, never tug downwards on your skin. Always apply in an upward motion. This minimizes skin sagging and wrinkles. Now, it won’t eliminate either of those things, as both are natural occurrences of growing old, but it helps to keep them at a minimum. Always move upwards.

2. NEVER Touch Your Face

My elderly aunt told me this years ago, and I was like, whatever, who cares? I care now! Your hands are touching all kinds of things throughout the day, and when you touch your face, you transfer all that dirt and germs to your face. We’ve all been forced to learn this rather harshly through the pandemic how much touching our faces spreads illness. Touching your face is bad for your skin and your health. Don’t do it. Not that I can berate anyone for doing this. I’ve caught myself so much putting my hands on my face. I’ve got to keep reminding myself to stop doing it. Its a hard habit to break.

3. Be Consistent

I can remember my grandmother every day sitting down at her table and pulling out everything she put on her face. Washing and cleaning it and then applying her lotions and creams and explaining everything she was doing to me. I remember her telling me, “just washing your face with a bar of soap every day is leagues better than doing nothing at all.” Your body gets dirty as you go about your day, and its necessary to clean all that dirt away. Even something as simplistic as washing your face with soap will help. Set an alarm for yourself so you won’t forget. Make washing your face a part of your daily routine. Brush your teeth and then wash your face. Every day.

So, to recap, Always move in an upward motion, never touch your face, and be consistent. Take the advice of some youthful elderly women, and keep that skin of yours vibrant.

family, My Story

Modesty: it doesnt mean what you think it means

Andi

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

This is what I think when I hear people talking about modesty. Because more often than not, what they mean is how much of a woman’s body is covered by her clothing. They love to quote scripture here too. 1 Timothy 2 is a common one. And sometimes will detail a list of attire they deam appropriate. They love to quote the Proverbs 31 woman as being covered in fine linens to mean she’s modestly dressed because she’s covered. But let’s look at the verses a little more deeply, avoid applying our own perceptions to them, and see what conclusions we come to.

Before we get started, I’m listing here the Miriam Webster 1828 Dictionary definition of modest.

MOD’EST, adjective [Latin modestus, from modus, a limit.]

1. Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful; as a modest youth; a modest man.

2. Not bold or forward; as a modest maid.

3. Not loose; not lewd.

4. Moderate; not excessive or extreme; not extravagant; as a modest request; modest joy; a modest computation.

Notice how only one of these definitions could even potentially be applied to dress and appearance. In fact its base word it is derived from is defined as a limit.

I find it is very important when reading spiritual texts is to understand both the time in which it was written, and the language it was written in. Having a good handle on the language you are reading it in is also a big help.

First let’s look at the verses in 1 Timothy that are so often used. I’m going to use the KJV as its probably the one you heard as a kid or the person arguing for this would use.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
1 Timothy 2:9-10 KJV

Now, just for a comparison, read these same verses but in the Amplified version.

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves modestly and appropriately and discreetly in proper clothing, not with [elaborately] braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but instead adorned by good deeds [helping others], as is proper for women who profess to worship God.
1 TIMOTHY 2:9‭-‬10 AMP

In this instance, κοσμίῳ is the Greek word used in 1 Timothy. Its defined as well arranged, seemly, modest. Interestingly when I stuck this in Google translate, which is using modern day Greek, it came out as cosmic.

Now, let’s take a look at Proverbs 31: 21-22 again in both the KJV and AMP simply for comparison.

KJV

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

AMP

She does not fear the snow for her household, For all in her household are clothed in [expensive] scarlet [wool]. She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is linen, pure and fine, and purple [wool].

And lastly this piece of Proverbs that describes a woman with the attire of an harlot, and I have heard used to line out what a harlot does look like and how not to look like one. This is Porverbs 7:10-12

KJV

And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)

AMP

And there a woman met him, Dressed as a prostitute and sly and cunning of heart. She was boisterous and rebellious; She would not stay at home. At times she was in the streets, at times in the market places, Lurking and setting her ambush at every corner.

Other verses describing the “evil woman” or an “unfaithful woman” don’t give us an image of her appearance or attire. They are filled with descriptions of her sharp tongue, her smooth words, and inappropriate behaviors. As though our actions are more vital than our clothing.

Now let’s go back to the top, to Timothy and the verse that uses the specific word, modest. Isn’t it interesting that the majority of those verses are about elaborate and expensive clothing? It says, costly array. This verse states we should wear modest apparel, not gold plated and expensive, but rather clothe ourselves with good works. We obviously cannot literally cover ourselves with good works, but a point was being made here. Are you more worried about having nice things than you are about caring for your fellow human? Do you greedily spend all your money on gold necklaces and ignore the hungry child? This is what was happening in the early church. In the Amplified version it says it is proper for people who worship God to help others. So according to the 1 Timothy passage, our selfishness is the issue, not how much skin is showing. Modest means moderate, not excessive or extreme, and this is the exact meaning of the word in this verse.

Now the passage in Proverbs 31, I think is pretty straightforward, but nonetheless, I’ll go over it. This woman is first off, not a real woman. But she is held as the pinnacle of godly womanhood. She is indeed someone impressive. She’s intelligent, financially prudent, crafty, businesslike, and loving. But the verses discussing how her children are warm in winter and her family can afford expensive clothing because of her wise investments has nothing to do with how much that expensive clothing covered her body. These verses are expressing her families prosperity more than anything.

Now the verses from Proverbs 7 say to beware a woman with the attire of an harlot. But what is the attire of an harlot? If this had been written today, you might describe a woman with lots of makeup, short tight skirts, maybe fishnet tights. But surprisingly clothing was not the same when this was written as it is now. So if trends and styles have been changing continuously then how are we to know what the attire of a harlot is and how do we avoid it? First of all, based on every other verse describing bad women, your actions and words play much more into your appearance than you think. This woman speaks softly and tempts the young man to come home with her. She is unfaithful to her husband, and lays in wait at every corner. Secondly this verse suggests there was a specific way harlots dressed and if I said the word prostitute, you know a specific image came to your head. So I think society plays a piece in this idea of harlots attire.

Another thing to consider is to take a look at our biology. Every part of our bodies has a function, even parts we have sexualized. Woman’s breasts can be sexual, but that is not their primary purpose. They are meant to produce milk to feed our young, exactly like every other mammal on earth. Elephants don’t cover to breastfeed. Our necks house our esophagus and throat. Our feet hold us up when we stand and our toes keep us balanced. But yet some people are aroused by neck biting, and foot fetishes are a very real thing. We cannot cover every piece of the body that arouses somebody or we’d all be walking around in body bags. The only body part designed and meant for sex are the sexual organs, and even they serve a purpose to reproduce as well. So we can’t make modesty rules based off of potentially being considered sexual. Beside the fact that this is a big variant, we can’t cater to everyone. And nowhere does the Bible say, woman be sure not to tempt that random man at the store, it says men keep better control of your eyes.

I know, I know they use the verse about not causing a brother to stumble, but I also refer you back to we’d be walking around in body bags. And that verse discusses being mindful of a friends struggles and helping them as they heal and grow. That random man isn’t my friend and I’m not responsible for his growth, he is. Plus, in the state of him growing, he will eventually not be tempted and be able to control his eyes. I am not to remove temptation from his path, whatever his temptation may be, he is learning to control himself.

Additionally, what does this teach girls and women? If we are to dress in such a way as to not cause any man, anywhere, to stumble or look at us lustfully, what are girls learning? To start with, this is impossible, you cannot keep every man ever from looking at you and thinking, “Dang, I’d like to tap that” no matter how you dress. Go back again to, we’d have to be walking around in body bags. But this is placing the personal growth and responsibility of all men and boys on women, not on the men it belongs with. It is no woman’s duty to keep another man from sinning. That is his duty. We are each responsible for our own actions, it is no one else’s, only ours. It is degrading and insulting to inappropriately place that duty on the shoulders of girls.

This is also degrading to our men and boys. You are teaching them they have no control, no limits. You are telling them they are barbaric and stupid, while simultaneously telling them they are in charge and in control of women. If you say it enough, they will believe it. You are teaching them if they see a scantily clad woman in the mall, they aren’t able to avert their eyes and wrangle their thoughts. You are teaching them it’s the woman’s fault, not theirs.

Which leads directly into, this nonsense feeds rape culture. From youth these boys are being taught they are not at fault, that a womans attire can literally make them insane. If they are not to blame when they have lustful thoughts, its only two steps further to say, it’s not their fault they raped a woman, because she was wearing a low cut blouse. Case after case after case have proven this is horse manure. Men and women have been assaulted in pajamas, robes, floor length pants and long sleeve shirts. It is never what they were wearing, it is always because a disgusting person attacked them. But we’ve also seen case after case of assault victims coming forward and their rapist is defended and they are demonized. Sadly, we see this a lot in the IFB group. Satan is not attacking your pastor, this is not spiritual warfare. Your pastor assaulted teen girls and he is a bad person. Period. End.

To say the idea of modest dress being disproportionately applied to women didn’t effect my childhood would be the biggest lie I ever told. I sometimes look at old pics and just cringe by how awful I was dressed. I’d be told they didn’t want me to dress frumpy, they wanted me to dressed tastefully. That was a lie. I looked like a boat.

I started pushing back fairly early, so I had to go back pretty far to find a picture that exemplified what I mean by good gracious I looked terrible.

You (and by you here I mean women and girls) couldn’t wear a shirt more than three (some places it was two) finger widths below your collarbone. Have you ever measured that? Its remarkably high, much higher than the average shirt comes. So shirts under shirts were incredibly common. Pants were out of the question. They were seductive and clung to the body exposing the curves of your female form. If you needed to do a physically strenuous activity in which a skirt would be indecent, you were provided with culottes. Should you be unaware what a culotte is, it is a knee length overly poofy legged split skirt. Historically I think they were created for women during the Victorian era to remain ladylike but be able to ride a horse (don’t quote me on that though). Some of these were pleated and so full in the legs you couldn’t tell they were culottes. Those were ideal.

Shirts were never to be sleeveless, some people wouldn’t allow cap sleeve shirts either. Shoulders and armpits were not to be shown, and an exposed bra strap was indecent. Your shirt also needed to be long enough that even with your arms raised over your head, it still covered the waistband of your skirt or culottes. Skirts varied a small bit. Some people said a skirt had to come to the knee, some specified that a skirt had to come to the knee while sitting, and others still dictated that your skirt had to cover your knees while sitting. Even the type of fabric of your clothing was regulated. Clingy fabrics like spandex blends were not allowed as they tended to stretch and hug the body. Your clothes had to be loose fitting and not show any form of your body. Girls were allowed to wear jewelry but your leadership could deny you the ability to wear something they deemed “too gawdy”. Only one ear piercing, no brightly colored makeup, no unnaturally colored hair, small necklaces only and one or two bracelets.

Boys had dress codes too but they were much shorter than for the girls. Boys were also not allowed to wear sleeveless shirts. They weren’t allowed to wear jewelry except for a watch and the men allowed a wedding band. Boys and Men were also not permitted to wear shorts. I’m honestly not sure of the reason for this. The girls could show their calves, but the boys could not.

Of course no outlandish hairstyles or colors. Neat hair dos. Clean and well kept clothes and hair were mandatory. Somehow God cared about your hair being brushed.

For how much I heard Samuel’s anointing David because, “God does not look on the outward appearance because God sees the heart” preached, I remember God caring a lot about how I looked. To dress modestly was pleasing to God. In explanation of why God cared so much when he looks on the heart, was because we were to be separate from the world in every way. Someone should be able to look at us and know we were Christian. God also cared because he loved all his children and didn’t want one of them to cause another to sin. In the case of looking different we definitely succeeded. Even the boys and men stuck out in a crowd usually. The women looked odd and frumpy in their loose shirts and long skirts and the men looked like struggling bussinessmen in their tucked in collared shirts and loose legged high waisted khaki pants. Especially in a group, we stuck out. As to not causing someone to sin, I think I’ve covered satisfactorily.

After I left the church I went through a phase of awkwardness. I never went through the discovery teenage phase because I hadn’t been permitted to. I had no idea what looked good on me or what styles I liked. Through controlling how I looked and how I thought and acted, my confidence and self image had been destroyed. Or rather, it had never been allowed to grow strong. I was not just building a personal clothing style, I was building myself. Then I entered a phase of anger. For a long time I couldn’t wear a skirt or dress of any kind. I still had my skirts, but I never wore them. Eventually that started to fade and I’d wear skirts and dresses but I couldn’t wear denim skirts. If I did wear a skirt it had to be too short for the church’s guidelines or I’d have to wear it with a tank top or low cut blouse. I was afraid if I wore something they approved of, I was falling back into their grasp. I finally realized that even years down the road, the group I’d left behind was still dictating how I dressed. I was still being controlled. I got rid of all of my clothes I’d had as a youth. I had to clean the space of it. I realized that no matter what I put on, I was still somehow breaking their rules. Their rules were so outlandish that by dressing like a normal human, I wasn’t falling close to their grasp at all. I realized that it didn’t matter how I dressed, how I live and believe is so contrary to them, I couldn’t fall back to them.

I have noticed over the years some churches and localised groups have started to shift in terms of apparel as the younger generations come up an take on leadership positions. You may actually see a woman at a church event in jeans. I see this as mostly good, but it has also created this double standard. The organization as a whole has not changed, and the churches haven’t changed their tunes on modesty. So it makes dress even more complicated. It’s ok to wear jeans to an activity, but not to a church service, and not to a different church’s event. And you can wear jeans, but not too tight and not with any holes. You may wear a dress shorter than the knee, but wear leggings underneath of it to cover your legs. None of this is spoken, it’s just this odd understanding that nobody is sure who made up. Instead of relieving pressure, it’s just made more. But hopefully, this will progress further and real relief will be seen in the future.

When you dress yourself what is your purpose for wearing what you do? If you wish to dress modestly remember these things actually taught in the Bible. Are you spending more money and effort on your clothes than you are helping those in need? How do you behave and carry yourself? Is it seductive and tempting? Are your sexual organs covered? Then if you are good on all counts, wear what you want with confidence and don’t let anyone shame you or convince you to change. You are modest.

Family, Clean Living

Kids Clothes on a Budget

Andi

I am formulaic about everything, even with something like clothes. But its given me a solid base to calculate how much my kids need (also how much I need, or rather don’t need) and given me the confidence that they have enough. I am frequently uncertain and doubt that they are fulfilled and have a high quality of life. One of the areas I find myself doubting is with their wardrobe. I see other kids in nicer clothes or see other kids closets bursting with outfits when mine have no logo on their sweatpants and space in their dresser. I can go back and remind myself they have X number of pants or shirts and that is plenty. They love to wear what they have, they are warm, they are happy and that is enough. I have to remind myself of this. Having my formula helps to reassure me and helps me keep track of what they might be in need of. It helps me keep a handle on what is inside my home.

I buy most everything used. It saves money, so that my children can wear name brand clothing but I don’t have to pay out the nose for it. For seasonal things, like Christmas shirts, or on occasion, like a great sale, or for something very specific, such as my child wanting a certain character shirt, I’ll buy new clothes. But on the whole I get used, or they have been the recipients of hand me downs as well.

There are a handful of things I never buy used simply because they don’t hold up well, or they aren’t good used. Things like underwear and socks, knit pajamas, and shoes. This would go the same for me as well. When a person wears a shoe, they imprint their foot shape and indents where they walk the heaviest into the shoe. You don’t have the posture or gait as that person and you don’t want to be walking in their foot grooves. Buy new shoes, make your own indentations, your feet will thank you. Even if you’re buying the clearance shoe at Walmart, buy new shoes. Knit pajamas just don’t hold up after so many wearings and washings, and aren’t worth buying used. They’re not expensive new anyway. Plus most of the time, two piece sets like that never stay together in second hand shops and I don’t want to buy only the bottom half of some Star Wars knit pajamas. Socks and underwear should be self explanatory.

Another reason I buy used is because it is more environmentally friendly. We don’t really need to be working all these factories to be on top of the trends and always have brand new clothes in our closets. We can look just as fabulous with what we have, or what we can find already made. Kids, I know, grow out of, or wear out their clothing. Adults can be hard on their clothes as well and will eventually need new ones. But we can help slow down the machine if we are buying used clothing. A few celebrities have drawn attention to this by pledging to never buy another piece of clothing. Who knows if they will keep this vow, but I appreciate their effort. And if you say one family not buying new clothing to help the environment isn’t going to make a difference, it’s silly to do so. Well, I can’t control what anyone else is doing, but I can control what I do, and I am going to do what I can no matter how small an impact it makes because it is good. In addition to the fact it is not the only reason I buy used, it’s just one part.

Every year, I take an inventory of my kids clothes in the next size up, to get a feel of how much they have and how much they need. They really could probably get by with less, but I always over plan just to be safe. And I do this probably 6 months before they are going to need it, so by the time they grow into it, they will have plenty and I can buy little bits at a time when I find something and not have one bulk cost all at once.

Each kid gets X amount of different clothing types and when they are deficient in one item, I add it to the list of needs. So, for an example, I would make an inventory list of how much they have in their next size and compare it to my set numbers and then add the difference to my clothing list and keep an eye out for a sale. Such as:

Child’s sz 6 Inventory

  • SS shirts 6
  • LS shirts 4
  • PJs 5
  • Pants 3
  • Jackets 2

Needs: 4 SS shirts, 6 LS shirts, 5 PJs, 7 Pants

In this example I have chosen to make each quantity needed 10, to make it simple, whereas in reality the numbers wouldn’t all be the same. For instance, I usually get them more short sleeve shirts than long sleeve.

How rough the kid is with their clothes and how often they need a change is going to inform the quantities. Small kids may need more outfits because they dirty their clothes more often than bigger kids. Some schools require a spare set of clothes to be kept at school in case of an accident, you’d need to add that to your list of needs. One of my kids is still potty training and sometimes doesn’t make it all the way to the toilet, or misses the toilet, or tries to wipe himself and doesn’t quite get clean. Right now, he has many pairs of pants and I am constantly washing pants and underwear because his dirty pant ratio is high at the moment. Where you live will affect this. If you live in a cold climate where it is often snowing, a good winter coat or snowsuit may be in your inventory whereas someone living in a swampy area wouldn’t need one. Your family dynamic will inform this as well. Does your kid sleep in their underwear and refuse to wear pajamas? They won’t need as many sets of PJs then. Are you a minimalist family that only has a small number of outfits for everyone? Your numbers would more than likely much smaller than mine. Every family unit is different, and so your inventory and needs will look different than someone else’s. I for instance make my children put on clean pajamas every night, so I’ve made sure they have at least enough pajamas to last a week without washing.

I let my children choose their clothes, both from the store and on a daily basis. I’ll take my child with me if I’m going with the intent of getting them some new clothes. I tell them what we are looking for, sometimes this takes a little guidance to keep them on track, and I let them pick out which they want. So we will go to the shirt section and they can choose which one they like best. Other times this looks like me finding 3 or 4 pairs of pants and they can choose one of them. And then their clothes go into the dresser and on most mornings, I tell them to pick out their clothes and get dressed and let them find the outfit they want to wear that day. It usually makes no difference if it matches or not, but it does make a difference in how they feel, and that is more important.

As I said, my kids have been the recipients of some wonderful hand me downs. Gifting clothes to a friend is probably the pinnacle of mom friendship. It is amazing. I cannot stress how important it is to make friends and put in the effort to build bonds with people. And to give of yourself. Give your kid’s old clothes to someone who needs them. Pass that goodness along.

I also shop consignment shops and thrift stores. Many people have caught on to this kids-grow-so-fast-and-I-can’t-keep-up thing and most cities have a kid exclusive consignment shop. These are wonderful. Find the one near you and follow their Facebook page and watch for sales and coupons. Thrift shops are also a big winner. They will have a kid section, but you most likely will have to sift through more chaos to find what you want, but the prices can’t be beat. Most thrift stores also have big sales. Some weekly, seasonally, some have sticker colors that are always clearance. Find those deals! But be cautious, since they have other sections too don’t get sucked into the sweater section and end up leaving with 4 kid outfits and 6 sweaters. I also go to the Just Between Friends sales. They have Facebook pages as well, so find the one nearest you, and follow that page. They are twice a year, and you have to respond and get a ticket to get in. Take the time to reserve the ticket. If you do, you get in free, otherwise you have to pay at the door. I have never left a JBF sale empty handed or disappointed. I’ve never spent over $50 and I always get a bag full of stuff. Garage sales are another place you might find clothes. I’m not a garage saler, so I don’t do this. Some people do and find excellent deals. If you are, go for it! I’m just not. You can also potentially find great clothes somewhere like Facebook marketplace. The trouble I’ve had with some of these is that people want too much for a used item. They are trying to get their money back on it and end up pricing it too high. There is also a risk meeting up with a stranger to buy something. Always, always, always meet in a busy public place not super near to your home. And if you can, don’t go alone. My suggestion for these is to look for the bulk sales. Someone selling a bag of clothes for $30 for example. I’ve gotten some good clothing that way. I got a Spiderman sweatsuit and Mickey Mouse fleece pajamas in one of those bags I paid $20 for. For my Disney obsessed kid, it was worth it.

There are all kinds of ways to fill your child’s closet and save money. Be wise with your spending. You do not need to buy that 4 piece outfit with a bowtie because its half off and it’s super cute. Put down the bowtie. Your child already has a dress outfit and does not need the one that’s 50% off. Look for those deals. Accept the generosity of friends. And give back to others. When you reach the numbers needed for your inventory, don’t buy any more clothes. Don’t fall into the, “it was only $2!” Trap. And rest easy in the knowledge that your kids have plenty of clothes, they love the clothes they have, and you aren’t living in excess. That’s something to take pride in.

family

What defines a Good Friend

Andi

Starting at my earliest memories, I had two best friends. I think I had other friends, because there are photos of me with other people, but I can only genuinely remember these two. I still have contact with both of these individuals through the invention of social media. One of them I have no other contact with outside of that. We never chat. The other we do interact over social media and occasionally chat over text or call.

In my teenage years I had a lot of friends. I remember being told that as an adult I’d only have a few friends, that a few good friends was better than many shallow friends. I thought it was total nonsense. I had a lot of friends and I loved all of them and thought they all loved me. I must simply be extraordinarily fortunate because I had many good friends. Most of these friends were from church or from the Summer Missions program I did with Child Evangelism Fellowship. Quite a few of these I still have minimal contact with via Social Media. Some, I’ve completely lost contact with. A handful I’ve purposely cut contact with. There were two I considered my best friends and a family I thought of like my own family. One of these best friends and I had a falling out over a relationship I thought was not good for her and which she wanted to pursue. She is no longer in this relationship, but we never rebuilt the friendship however and only interact over Facebook and the like.

The family and other friends I had within the church have all but fallen away. They were the biggest hurt I felt after leaving the church. They had been the people who loved me, who said they’d be with my through thick and thin. Some even claiming my other relations weren’t true friendships, only they were my true friendships. And I believed them. I believed they loved me and whatever I did or whatever happened, they’d still love me. But the harsh reality was they wouldn’t always be there for me. They would all disappear like a morning fog as the sun warms the earth. As soon as I left the church group, they left me behind. Even so much as to ignore me when I did come around as though they’d never known me. Some of these people I have purposely removed all contact with, a small few I still have social media contact with, but do not talk to otherwise. Only one of them has made any contact with me since I left the church. One out of the approximately 20 strong friend group we had developed.

After I had children my friend group changed again. Not to add mom friends, I didn’t have mom friends when my kids were really small. I kept the friends I had. Some had had kids by then and some hadn’t. I couldn’t fully explain to you what happened. Maybe it was the result of the kids. I had a few friends who became more and more shallow to me. It appeared to me they were putting up this fancy I’m-rich-and-super-spiritual façade and I had no energy to keep up with it. Their appearance was incredibly important to them and it just wasn’t to me. I think it started to produce a distance between us until it became a canyon. One of them, who actually had kids as well, met up with me at a splash pad. We sat next to each other on the same park bench and didn’t say a word to each other. It was awkward. We didn’t know what to say to one another anymore. The only conversation we had was instigated and revolved around the kids. We haven’t spoken since. Although I do still have social media contact with these people, its very minimal and mostly nonexistant.

By the time our family moved out of the state I’d grown up in, I only made a point to see three people before I left. One of them was the group of elderly people who always came into the cafe I worked in to have coffee after their morning walk. Another was a single friend I’d kept contact with, but admittedly hadn’t seen much of. When we made the move for some reason I guess I assumed people would still keep in touch despite the distance. The people who really cared about me at least. No one did though. I didn’t know anybody in the new state and nobody I knew in the old state bothered to keep in contact. I was overwhelmingly lonely. I watched an unhealthy amount of anime and Spongebob.

I knew I had to put myself into contact with people to make friends, so I joined a MOPS group. I was placed at a table with the exact right people. It was an instant connection with most of them. Of course I still have internet connection with them, and I see them on regular dates and get togethers. And then, someone I’d known years ago during my Summer Missions time got in touch with me and told me she wanted to just talk. We still text every month or so and catch up about what’s been happening. She and I both have kids of similar ages and know each others families. One person, I’d made contact with in a Facebook group happened to live close to me, and I decided to meet for coffee. She and I have several similarities, and the meeting was good. We’ve started to develop a friendship from there, but it’s still very young.

Through all of this, there have been a couple constants. My other best friend and I have been through some rough patches and had issues over time, but we have also been able to grow and build a strong relationship. He was the third person I made a point to see before we moved. The same time we moved, they moved in the opposite direction. That put quite a bit of physical distance between us. But we manage with regular phone chats. Of course with social media and texting keeping in contact has made long distance a little easier. Now, I would say he is my only best friend. My husband and I also have a friend he met through an old job. We lived next door to them for a while, and since moving have met and been befriended by their family. They were such a magnificent help to us during our big move. Our relationship has relaxed and become more casual. We’ve gone on a few double dates, and usually just lounge about when we hang out. We of course have contact over social media, but most of our contact is face to face or through a phone call.

I’ve seen a lot of friends come and go, and quite a few I still have at least some kind of contact with. But social media contact alone isn’t a proper gauge for a friendship. You don’t have the deep connection from that tiny thread of contact social media provides. Neither does seeing someone once every few years when you make the trek back home and come across them while you’re there visiting your family.

What does classify a good friend?

I always go back to a quote by Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

There have been only three people on this earth that I have always felt completely safe with. People I’ve never felt the need to perform for or display only pieces of myself to appease them. My brother, my best friend, and my husband. I have more than one brother, but only one of them do I feel close too. He and I are the closest in age and spent the most time together growing up. We, I think, have the closet relationship out of the siblings. My best friend, the one who I went through that hard patch with, I have never felt awkward with. Even during that time, I had no fear about detailing to him why I was angry with him. And my husband. Even when we first met and I had butterflies galore and I was crushing on him, I never felt afraid of him. I was never cautious that if he knew me completely he’d break up with me. So, I never held anything back, and I still never do. He may be irritating sometimes, but he is still my biggest comfort.

Another trait many people associate with friendship is loyalty. Will that person be with you through thick and thin? This is certainly a good thing to consider. I’ve found more often than not, the answer is no. The term “fair weather friends” didn’t just make itself up. People are willing to ditch their friends for any myriad of reasons. Their new boyfriend didn’t like them, or they didn’t like the new boyfriend. You have a child and they didn’t and don’t feel relatable to you anymore. You separate from your spouse and they don’t approve. You don’t end up separating from your spouse and they don’t approve. You discover you have differing political views and they can’t stand you anymore. You start going to a different gym. On, and on, and on.

I’ve also learned people tend to all have very short term memory. They probably will not remember to give you a call or send a text. Once you no longer have consistent contact with someone, they won’t bother to keep in touch. It seems to just be the norm. When you leave a job, most of your coworkers, even ones you were friends with, will probably fade away because you won’t be put in contact with them everyday at work. When you graduate school, it’s not likely you will keep those fellow classmate friendships you had. You aren’t running into them and looking them in the face regularly, so you drift apart and forget each other. It is just what seems to happen. The old adage, “out of sight out of mind” is apparently true for human relationships. This is probably why when I was younger I heard several times, long distance relationships don’t work. Apparently, most humans can’t hold onto relationships from far away.

Some may say a good friend has similar interests, is trustworthy, is honest. And I’d agree, but I’d also say that all of those kind of roll back into the person you feel safe with. That person who you have no fear of leaving because you told them a dark secret. A person that understands your humor is someone you are comfortable with. A person who can hear your story, love you, maybe give you some hard honest advice, hug you, and help you move forward. That person, is your comfort and safe zone.

But I will say, a good friend is a dependable friend. The one you can count on to be there for that hard moment, and the good moment. Sometimes, stuff happens, especially if you and your friend have kids and dates have to be cancelled. But when a friend cancels every date one after the other, or simply doesn’t show up, it wears you down. You can’t rely on them to make it to a scheduled date, or at least text you before and let you know plans have changed. How will you depend on them when you really need them? When you call scared and alone, are they available to you? When you need advice, are they willing to chat? Everyone has schedules and everyone is busy, but are they always too busy for your friendship? If you need help, do they tell you I’ll call you back when I’m not swamped and we can talk or do they just ignore you and never call back. Can you depend on them at all? That is a marker of a good friend. Can you depend on them.

Going through life, particularly if you are an emotional or empathetic person, you will develop bonds with people. And even if you know in your head how humans work, losing one of those bonds hurts. It can wound you deeply. I know that I for a time didn’t want to meet any new people. I was afraid of making friends because why should I if they’re all just going to abandon me? I, apparently, put way more meaning into a relationship than the other person does and time after time, I’ve been burned. It makes me overly wary of new people. I’ve lost a friend over a boyfriend. I lost a friend over religion. I lost many friends over church. I lost a friend over a false rumor. I’ve been wounded and not sure if having friendships was even worth it. I don’t trust new friends.

But humans need other humans. It’s just how we are made. If I lock myself in and refuse to have contact with people, my anxiety amplifies, it grows, it starts to over take me. I need to be outside. I need nature. And I need friends. We all need friends. Study after study has shown that social interactions help not only our mental health, but physical health as well. A study done in Alameda County, California of more than 7,000 men and women, begun in 1965, Lisa F. Berkman and S. Leonard Syme found that people who were disconnected from others were roughly three times more likely to die during the nine-year study than people with strong social ties. We need to be around other human beings.

So I’m learning that out of all the connections I’ve made throughout my life, most of them will probably melt away. I probably won’t have the same relationships in 10 years as I do right now. But out of those many, I’ve made a few deep connections. I’ve had to go through a lot of friendships to find the ones that really stick. So the adults in my teen years were right. I do only have a few good friends, and that is better. Because they are my comfort, they are loyal and they are dependable.

And that really is what a good friend is isn’t it? The person you can find comfort in that won’t be scared away by who you are. The person you can depend on to be there for you, and that is only shown by experience. The person who is loyal, that will make the effort to keep in touch and keep building the friendship, even if you don’t see each other every day, and that is only shown with time. And you will probably only have a small handful of these good friends, and that’s not only ok, that is better.

family

Precious Ornaments

Andi

I have these ornaments, and they’ve been on every tree I can remember. They are a pair of figure skaters, and they were made by my Grandma Fern.

Well, she wasn’t really my grandma. She was my dad’s brother’s wife’s mom. So she was my cousins grandma, but not mine. But she lived down the street from my aunt and uncle and we visited every December.

She did a lot of bead crafting. I can remember her craft room with an entire wall of drawers filled with every color bead you can imagine. She gave me several ornaments over the years and I still have most of them. This pair was one of the first.

She had rheumatoid arthritis, and gradually her hands became more and more stiff. Eventually she became unable to handle the small beads. The last ornament she gave me is a little elf that my son now thinks is his.

Her last few years she developed alzheimer’s and she passed this last year. I’d not thought about it until I pulled all these beaded ornaments out of their boxes and it rushed over me. I hadn’t seen her in the final stages, but in a way, I don’t regret that. In my mind, I still see the smiling face cheerfully showing me how to craft. That’s the face I want to hold onto. That’s the face I remember when I hang this skating couple on my tree.

family

Just. Listen.

Andi

It’s coming up on the holidays again, and my annual reminder to pay attention and listen to your kids and get to know who they are. Not who you think they should be or how you want them to be, who they are.

This was always glaringly obvious to me during the holidays. I felt ignored and never felt heard throughout the year, but it was amplified on Christmas morning. Because as I opened gifts, I realized none of them seemed to belong to me. They weren’t things I liked or had interest in. It was like my mom was buying gifts for someone else and accidentally wrote my name on the package. Occasionally, they would be what I’d asked for, but the cheapest knock off version possible. But this wasn’t because I asked for expensive gifts or they had no money.

This was displayed best the year I asked everyone to not buy me anything. I was very interested in photography and I wanted a good camera but couldn’t afford one. So I asked everyone to contribute to my savings for a camera and photoshop. Not buy me a camera, just add to my savings for one. My parents response to this was to not tell any of my siblings what I’d said, buy themselves a new camera and gift me their old one. And then gave me several other gifts I don’t even recall.

Or when I asked for an iHome to go with my fancy iPod touch I’d purchased with my own money, they bought me a set of $15 speakers.

When my brother gave me a bottle of sweet red wine from a local winery because he gathered from conversation what kind of wine I liked, my mother gave me a pair of blowout clearance (she proudly told me later) leopard print shoes, because she didn’t know how much I HATE animal print.

It never is the gift itself per se, it’s the underlying knowledge that she didn’t know enough about my likes and dislikes to know how much I hate animal print. Or that I felt like they didn’t think I was worth spending the extra to buy me an actual iHome, or a solid colored pair of shoes that weren’t as clearanced.

This is definitely layered on top of year round emotion and was not limited to Christmas morning. I didn’t feel heard when I tried to talk about a manager I felt like was out to get me because halfway through I was interrupted to be asked what I did wrong. I didn’t feel emotionally safe to express my feelings any time of year because every time I tried to open up I was attacked. I couldn’t ever voice a complaint because I’d be told how good I had it and my mom had it so much worse. But Christmas seems to just amp up the emotion and magnify the problem like you are an ant burning in a sunbeam.

If you are wanting to give an experience, you should know what your child is into doing, and do it with them. Because the time spent with you is the most precious thing. If you are trying to be creative and save some money, maybe can’t afford the thing they asked for, take notice of the other things they show interest in. Or be honest and explain it’s too expensive and ask what else they’d like, and listen to their ideas. Sometimes money really is the problem. Your kid wants a new video game and you can’t afford to drop $60 on it. I get that struggle, trust me, we’ve been there. Then you really need to know your kid, know their personality, likes, who they are. Listen. You’re children may surprise you with ideas.

Listen to them. Listen all the time. Don’t interrupt them. Don’t belittle their experiences or the feelings they have about them. Don’t ignore the parts of them you’ve decided don’t fit your perfect picture you have painted for their life. In fact, don’t paint that picture.

Just. Listen.

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Mister Rogers

Andi

So many adults grew up with Mister Rogers gently singing to them and reminding them they were perfect just the way they were. I was a kid in the 90s, so I got all the reruns, but he was still prominent even then. However, he has impacted me more as an adult than he did when I was a child. With the new film coming out this month, I think talking about him is appropriate.

Fred Roger’s was a musician, an artist, and an ordained minister. His ordination was to minister to children through the medium of television. He apparently was witty and slightly snarky as well if you listen to his family and work mates. He was creative and driven, and worked hard to make his vision come to life. The documentary “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” contains many of these first hand accounts of his gentle character and clever humor.

Mister Rogers never wore a collar or said he was a minister in his show, but his faith drove what he did. He very firmly believed that God made you just the way you are. You didn’t need to change anything. You are worthy of love, because God loves you, and as a follower of God, it was his duty to love you. He believed children were very bright and able to grasp even complex concepts. That they have very strong emotions and should be able to not only express them but know how to process them. Talk about them. Understand them. Your strong emotions aren’t flaws to be subdued, but God made parts of you. So a homosexual was perfect and worthy of love. A child with a disability was perfect and worthy of love. A person of color was perfect and worthy of love. A person of a different faith than his perfect and worthy of love. He displayed this on his show and in his life in the way he treated other people. Always with respect and always with kindness.

He is one of the only people of faith I look up to and desire to imitate. The kind of faith he had is what the world needs. It doesn’t need the anger. It doesn’t need the hate. It needs the powerful love. And a person brave enough to show it.

He is also a model of good parenting in my eyes. Kids need to know their emotions aren’t bad, but they need to know what to do with those emotions. They need to know they are special, the way they are. As parents, we need to be teaching our kids how to process their feelings in a healthy manner. Children should also be given the comfort of knowing they have love for who they are.

It is beyond fathom for me to imagine any person on earth that disliked Fred Rogers, but they existed. He got questioned about his own sexuality because he was soft and talked about his feelings. People said he was evil because he told kids they were special without having to work for it. He was blamed for entitled children. Rumors started that he wasn’t actually a kind gentle man, he was a hardened Marine who was covered in tattoos and killed lots of people. None of these were true, but I find it interesting the worst rumor they could come up with was tattoos and military service. There were enough people that hated him that there were protesters outside his funeral. People said he was going to hell, not because he was gay because he wasn’t, but because he tolerated gays. He told them he liked them, and God loved them, and apparently that is abominable. That’s the kind of man this was. He was hated for loving people.

This shows me two things: that someone is always going to dislike you and how to respond to those that do. Even someone as magnificent and unproblematic as Mister Rogers had people calling him evil. The kinds of people pointing fingers at you may be different, but there will be someone who doesn’t like you. But despite knowing some mocked him or hated him, Mister Roger’s never stopped treating each person he met with kindness. It had to get discouraging at times, and his family has said there were times he’d get upset, but no matter what he’d process the emotion, and step out to the world with a smile and a hug.

He is an example to us of what faith should look like, how to teach children, and how to face with world with grace.

Additions:

I think Tom Hanks is probably the only person, on earth, that could portray Fred Rogers.

I’m sure some people wonder why I love Mister Rogers so much, but I don’t care for Daniel Tiger. Despite the fact the characters are named after Rogers neighborhood friends and his own tiger puppet. I am aware. But the trouble is Daniel Tiger is trying to be Mister Rogers. They are attempting to recreate the magic for a new generation, but they just can’t. No one can. And Mister Rogers Neighborhood doesn’t need to be updated in my opinion. His voice is captivating and his singing is charming. My overly active kids enjoy the original show and pay attention to it as much as any of their other shows. Daniel Tiger is certainly not the worst show, it has some good parts, but it is also lacking in some as well. Perhaps I’m just being biased as well.

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Don’t Limit Them

Andi

As you might imagine if you’ve read my life posts so far, my home life was very restricted and sheltered. I wasnt allowed to consume any entertainment that wasn’t Christian and because of the type of church we were part of, it had to be from another Independent Fundamental Baptist Christian source. I wasn’t allowed to listen to contemporary Christian music and certainly not secular music. We only had one small 13 inch TV that stayed in the parents bedroom, which was off limits to us. The books I read were monitored. I wasn’t allowed to read Harry Potter because it was demonic and so I convinced myself I didn’t like it. In middle school my mom actually had me removed from a literature class at my Private Christian school because she didn’t like the book. My mom would preview a book she hadn’t read before to make sure it was ok. I never saw the shows the rest of my generation grew up with, the songs everyone else loved or the books they were reading. Any form of entertainment I liked I had to hide, read only at school, watch at friends houses, listen to on the school bus. It defintely made me odd and out of place.

When I started showing an interest in video games, my parents of course went overboard with it. I had a laptop by that time I had bought with my own money and Halo I also bought. My mom got online and read all the backstory and read so deeply into it, she was convinced it was anti Christian and took it away from me. Not to mention it was uncouth and unladylike to play video games. I had to buy anything for myself, but I didn’t have money. So like everything else, it got limited to what I could play at friends houses.

My mother didnt like the “nerd phase” as a whole. She hated sci-fi movies because they gave her weird dreams, and the only reason she’d have weird dreams was because of the devil and she wasn’t about to let the devil into her house. My likes got squashed frequently. About the only thing I could get away with was Doctor Who and that was only because an old missionary friend said he’d watched it as a kid and loved it. So she rationalized it must be ok then.

After I moved out, I got a TV and an Xbox and two games: Halo and Bioshock. I bought Star Wars and LOTR posters and put them all over my walls. I could finally Express myself however I pleased. When I met my husband one of the things we had in common was video games. But he played Playstation, and I played Xbox. So there is proof the two can coexist peacefully 😛 We now have both, in addition to an NES and a Gamecube.

My parents still think it’s simply a phase I’ll grow out of, but it’s been over a decade, I don’t think its passing. I’ve introduced it to my children. One of the first words my son said coherently was Spiderman. So no, I don’t think its passing anytime soon.

Point is, don’t try to limit or shame your child’s interests because you don’t understand why they have them. Even if it is just a phase, they are growing into adults and learning along the way. Don’t inhibit their growth. Let them discover the world and decide what they like and who they want to be.

family, My Story

Recent Relationship with Faith

Andi

Before, I told you about the recent relationship I’ve had with my parents. I’ve told you about my relationship with friends. This time, I’m going to discuss my relationship with faith.

Growing up in such a strict religious environment meant I was introduced to faith and Christianity from birth. I was carried to church at less than a month old. There wasn’t a time in which we weren’t in the church or around other members, but it was also limited. I was only exposed to one specific denomination of Christian faith and absolutely no exposure to other world religions. All I needed to know about them was that they were wrong. My only glimpse into other faiths was on trips with my grandparents when they would take me to whichever church they could find because my parents insisted we go to church.

When I finally left the church I’d been raised in, their doctrines still followed me, like a looming rain cloud rumbling over my shoulder. I still had to be at a church somewhere, and it had to be a Baptist church. I had severe aversions to skirts and dresses for a time. I still owned some, but never wore them. When I did start wearing skirts again, I couldn’t wear denim. No matter what, my outfit had to be “not church approved” in some way. Even though I’d left, the guilt and shame still hung over me.

I Googled Baptist and Bible churches and made a list of the ones that looked most interesting. Then I visited them. After each visit I’d write a summary of what I thought of the service and congregation. I finally found one I liked. It was a Baptist church, but very different from the one I’d been raised in. If you do not know, there are multiple Baptist denominations, and while they have many similarities, they are not all the same. My parents kept promising they’d come visit with me one Sunday, but that would require them to miss their church, and I knew they wouldn’t do that. And they never did.

I was very faithful, attending every service and many events. This was one of those leftover traits from growing up. That went on until I had my oldest kid. I would only go if my husbad went with me, and having a baby is exhausting, so we didn’t go as much and only ever to the main worship service.

I started to wonder about other groups and religions. What differentiates the various Christian denominations? What was it that classified them all as Christian but still kept them separated? What about other world religions all together? Why did someone believe in a different entity besides God? What about those who do believe in God but aren’t Christian? I started to wonder.

This was the breakdown of my faith. Why did I believe in this one God and not a different one? What about these doctirines I disagree with? Was that really what the Bible taught? And if it is, can I still follow a faith that teaches it? I stripped away all of the previous knowledge I had about religion and set it aside. I had to start from scratch if I was going to get anywhere.

I got a notebook, a couple different translations of the Bible, and a Greek, a Hebrew and an English dictionary. It was also very helpful to have a couple friends I could call on with questions who had degrees in Biblical history. Understanding the language it was written in, and the culture and time period it takes place in are both important for studying its teachings.

There was a lot of writing. I wrote down the verse in all the translations, and the definitions of the words from the original language and in English. Like I said, a lot of writing. By breaking down everything into digestable pieces I started to rebuild what I believed. I developed a strong personal faith. It has no bearing on other people or what they believe, but it guides my actions and behaviors.

As time went on, I lost interest in attending church at all. I know there are other people out there that believe similarly to mysef, but are there enough in one location to form a church? And in any group of humans, conflict will arise. I did not enjoy the petty drama from the church I’d left, I don’t want to get in the middle of any of that ever again. And being from a church that demanded unwaivering loyalty and guilted you if you weren’t involved in everything, I’m a bit apprehensive of the commitment. And then on top of my own uncertainties, my husband has his own thoughts as well. So, to find a church that both I, and my husband, are comfortable in and want our kids around, is a fairly daunting task. At first it was my husband who wasn’t keen on church. Then it was me. I’m a little more neutral on it now, but he’s back to not wanting to go anywhere. I’m not pushing it.

I also don’t refer to myself as Christian anymore. I know it’s just a broad label, but its also how people define you. As of right now, most people associate anger and hate with American Christians, and I don’t want myself in that classification. I believe in God, but I don’t follow Amercan Christianity. I’m certain there are Christian Americans who don’t follow the path Christianity has taken, in fact I think there are many, but the leaders and public figures of the faith are presenting an image I can’t align with. And if that’s what the world sees as Christianity, I can’t label myself with them.

This isn’t the end. There are few things I’m confident in, but I still study and I’m constantly learning. I’m right now delving into the concepts and beliefs on Hell and Biblical discipline. I seem to study best with a pen and paper, and the lots of writing. It’s been easiest for me in the hashing out of what I do and do not believe.

If there is anything I urge everyone to do, it’s to study and learn for yourself. Don’t rely on someone else’s knowledge to form your beliefs. You have to do that for yourself.

My journey is far from over, but I keep going and never stop learning.

family, My Story

Adolescent Travel

Andi

All of the road trips I took with my grandparents were when I was fairly young, 10 and under. As I got older, and consequently they did as well, health complications and more frequent doctor appointments kept them from travelling like they had before. They would still go, as much as they could, but it was never quite as far or for as long. But as I got older, I started being able to go on my own, sometimes with a group of other teens. My first job was to pay for a vacation. These were the travels of my youth. Each one of these could probably make up an entire post all by themselves, and maybe I’ll go into more detail later.

To anyone who lives in America who can, I strongly suggest travelling outside of the U.S. Being able to immerse yourself in other cultures and lifestyles gives you a unique persepactive on the world. It’s good to know there are many different people who live rich and full lives that don’t look or live like we do in the States. We are but one peice of the bigger world puzzle.

The first time I travelled outside the United States, I visited London. I loved it there, and absolutely would love to go back. I don’t think I could live in such a big city, but the magnificence of the history drew me there. There is so much to tell, I could probably fill a book. I do remember this huge difference in people. The people who lived there I suppose are accustomed to tourists and were overly kind to us. But the other tourists were slightly rude and unkind. One of my favorite stops though had to be Westminster Abbey. This photo is unedited and was entirely accidental, but it is perfect. Th Abbey is the final resting place of quit a few people, but also still holds regular services. It was almost haunting to stand in. The place is beautiful and striking and serene.

I also was fortunate to visit Spain. My biggest take away from that visit was food. I came home with manchego (cheese made from sheep milk), nutella, and churros. All of which I now see all over the US. They were probaby here before but I hadn’t taken notice of them. I remember there being an entire museum about the Spanish Inquisition, I got one room in and had to turn around and leave. Some of the church buildings still have chains and cages hanging from the walls. This photo is the town of Toledo. This is where I bought my sword that I do still have. There were also quite a few castles in Spain, more than I remember being in England. And let me tell you, the Spanish knew how to glam it up. There was one room that had a ceiling covered entirely in gold pineapples.

For Christmas one year my older brother promised to take me to a concert. So, of course, I picked a concert in a totally different state. He told me ok, but this was now like 5 years of Christmas gifts. He and I went to Pensacola, FL in November, when noboy else was there. This was also the year after the big BP oil spill. The beaches were empty but it was Florida, so it was still pretty warm despite being winter. The white sand was flecked with hardened black oil. We also went to the Naval Aviation Museum, which of course was full of airplanes. Beautiful and big and filling the entire building. This was also the city in which I had my first glass of champagne and the absolute best corned beef sandwhich I have ever put in my mouth. It was huge, so big, I could barely get my mouth around it. Layer upon layer of thinly sliced melt in your mouth beef. My mouth is watering thinking about it again. That was a good sandwhich.

In 2010 I went to Romania. This was a youth group trip, so I wasn’t alone. Sadly, this put limits on what I could do. For instance, I saw Draculas castle! Well, I saw Bram Stokers home. On top of a massive hill, overlooking a small town. But nobody else wanted to go up to it, so I never got to go inside! However, we did visit some Roman ruins. It makes me feel kind of dumb that the country I was in is called ROMANia and I didn’t put together that it had anything to do with Rome. The country was a common summer destination for wealthy Romans and many had palaces and summr homes there. It was one of these vacation palaces that we were able to see. It was surreal to stand there in a crumbled home someone lived in a couple thousand years ago.

Budapest was next. This was the same youth group trip since Hungary and Romania are right next to each other. We didn’t spend as much time here, so there’s not as much to tell. What I remember most is the breathtaking architecture. Every building was ornate. This is their parliament building, but it wasn’t the only beautiful work in the city.

In 2011, 2012, and 2013 I attended OshKosh AirVenture. For those who don’t know, this is the biggest airshow in the US that takes place every year. It takes over the whole town for a week. The event is massive. I’ve been 3 times and I absolutely want to go again. When I went, I was in school for Aviation Maintenance Technology and would go with my school. I can still smell it, that crisp, sharp, airplane smell mixed with grrass and tent vinyl. I want to be in the air again so badly. It’s been too long. These trips were some of the most purely joyous.

Do you remember I said I loved old churches? This is the organ in Trinity Churh in NYC, and yes, I loved it. Look at those pipes! In comparison, these aren’t the biggest organ pipes I’ve seen, not even the oldest, but there is still something special about them. Maybe because this church is part of my own nation’s history? I also tried to go to St. Patrick’s Cathedral but at the time it was under renovation and all I got was scaffolding. The intricacy of these old places of worship astounds me. They are works of art.

Close to NY is New Jersey, which is the home of the Cake Boss. No, he was not there when we visited, sadly. Nonetheless this place was so crowded, but good gracious was it worth it. His cakes really are that good. He has a reputation for a reason. It was light and sweet, but not so sweet it makes you sick. My mouth is watering again.

I have had a strong fascination with the Civil War for years. The politics of it, the fuzzy grey areas people tend to look over. Even now, we still have people fighting over it. “It was actually about states rights!” Some yell. Others respond, “it was about slavery!” The debates over whether or not to tear down Confederate statues or leave them be. One of the most prominent battles of that war was at Gettysburg, and of course Lincoln’s most well known speech. We visited both sites. The battlefield is now speckled with statues and monuments of both Confederate and Union soldiers. This one is in honor of Pennsylvania soldiers from both sides. By far the biggest, most likely because Gettysburg is in PA. The location of Lincoln’s Gettysburg address also has a monument but is in a graveyard. White stone after white stone marking the final testing places of many young soldiers.

Just a few of the snapshots from my youth adventures. As a teen and young college student I travelled far and wide. I was incredibly fortunate to be able to make such trips. These were a peice of the mold that shaped my mind, and I am eternally grateful I had the chance to experience them.