family, My Story

Vacations with Kids

Andi

My vacations have changed in adulthood. For one, I now have bills to pay, and responsibilities. After we had kids, planning a trip got much more complex, and more costly. Some might think our trips got boring, or I’ve stopped travelling, but I find neither to be true. They may be farther apart, but they still happen. In some cases I’ve been forced to find unique places near home, but that’s also shown us some absolute gems. Some of them may be focused around visiting family, but they’re still full of adventure. And as the kids grow, we’ll be able to make the same exciting memories with them that my grandparents made with me.

Did you know Arkansas had mountains? Because I didn’t. I guess I didn’t pay close enough attention in Geography class. For my Grandpa’s 90th birthday we took him camping on Mt. Magazine which is in AR. I was shocked by how beautiful it was. We went in the Fall, right as the trees were starting to change. It was all outdoors and the kids could run and run and keep running. The park staff was wonderful, and the park itself was clean and cared for. I love mountains and find them majestic. Mt. Magazine was no exception.

I could show you a picture of the main street of Eureka Springs, or the haunted Crescent Hotel. But I’m sure most people have already seen those. The Crescent Hotel is famous, even being featured on ghost hunter shows. I do reccomend the ghost tour if you are ever in the area. It was so creepy! Which equates to a good ghost tour. No, I’m going to show you a picture from Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge, a big cat animal rescue located just outside Eureka Springs. The huge majority of big cats in captivity are NOT in zoos or refuges. They are in people’s homes attempting to be kept as pets. As with any wild animal, it is not a pet, and is very dangerous to try to keep it as one. All of the cats and bears at this refuge have beven rescued from roadside zoos (not the same as a legitimate zoo, never pet a wild animal or animal cub, places who allow this are not caring for their animals) circuses, or private homes. The cat pictured I chose because I love love black cats. My cat is black. When I get another, it will also be black. Black cats are very rare, and that makes them even more special. I could not recommend supportng and visiting this place more. Another wildlife refuge I recommend visiting is PAWS (performing animals wildlife sanctuary) in California. They specifically take in animals from circuses, most of which are elephants.

This is also Eureka Springs, but a different quirky place I loved. Really, if you like oddball things, Eureka Springs is the place for you! This is at a place called Quigley Castle and it caught my eye because I wasn’t aware of any castles in Arkansas. And it’s not in a traditional sense. It is a house built entirely by a woman and her husband with rocks they collected from the river. The walls of the house looked like these benches pictured. The wife decorated her garden with glass her husband found and liked. 3 of the 4 interior walls were bare dirt so plants could grow up the walls. On the ground level, the wife had an aquarium built into the floor. The top level had her butterfly collection covering the walls instead of paint or wallpaper. The family still lives in the home and despite my thinking that the rock would wash away in storms, the home still stands firm a couple generations later. This house screamed eccentric at me and I loved the sound it made.

Want to visit a random, hole in wall place? Got you covered. This is Brown Mansion in Coffeyville, KS. This is one of the most interesting eccentric mansions I’ve ever toured. (Aside from Quigley Castle in Eureka Springs. I just like odd homes) The Brown Mansion is fitted with almost exclusively Tiffany glass. Plants displayed everywhere, a working elevator, and a full ballroom. The original owners operated a spa and some of those pieces are also featured, such as a vibrating chair to help relieve constipation. All the light fixtures are fitted with electric and gas, as the house was built right at the rise of electric lights. President Taft even visited this home on his campaign trail. If built today, it would cost over 4 million dollars to build. Definitely worth a stop and a gander.

Some of our best vacations have been the peaceful, quiet ones. The ones where I’m able to sit in nature with my feet in the water. Its calming to just sit in nature. Life can get to flustered and hectic. Your mind going 90 different directions at once. It’s good to have a few moments of simple silence and peace. This is rural Oklahoma, close to my Grandpa’s lake house, where I was able to slip away from the family and have few serene moments of silence.

I have family in Missouri, so driving through Kansas City is not a rare occurance for me. Despite that, I’ve never been to a lot of places in and around MO. This is the World War I Museum and Monument in Kansas City, MO. Unintentionally, we went on Memorial Day weekend, which meant the place was more crowded than usual. It was still a well designed musem, simply full of information and artifacts. I don’t think my kids were quite old enough to appreciate what the museum was about. They were mostly interested in the cars and airplanes. I’d suggest waiting until late elemtary, middle school age before taking a child to this museum.

I understand having small kids can limit vacation possibilities. But really, the the importance is not necessarily the extravagance of a trip. What is important is that you are with the ones you love and building life long memories with them.

Art, family

Halloween Wreath Craft

Andi

I set out to make a Halloween wreath and decided to make it with only materials from the Dollar Tree. Now, knock it if you want, but I have my reasons for going there. First, when I started decorating I lived in a less than desirable part of town in a state that has some awful weather. So if my outside decorations were destroyed by weather or stolen, I didn’t want to have spent a lot of money on them. So I’d go to Dollar Tree and I’ve found they have decent looking stuff. Secondly, I see all the time bloggers who make “budget friendly” crafts and “decorations you can do on a budget!” But then end up spending $50 on wreath materials. I’m not sure what budget they’re on, but a $50 wreath isn’t in mine. So if I can make a wreath with only Dollar Tree materials and make it look good, it is possible to decorate on a budget. Take heart, you can do it!Starting pieces. I got a metal wreath ring, three rolls of tool, a string of garland, a little witch hat, a BOO, and two packages of small figures. Totaled to $9, and if you add tax round that up to $10. I did also use a hot glue gun and string that I already had and didn’t calculate into the price. Neither are terribly expensive if you need to buy them. If you do, add another $8-$10 dollars.First, I wrapped the orange tool around the metal ring flatly, and then with the second roll, I wrapped the orange but twisted it. Then added the purple tool on top of the orange. I decided to keep it only two colors to avoid making the wreath too busy and confusing to the eye. Simple is sometimes best, especially when it comes to base colors. I secured the tool directly to the metal ring and added a little hot glue for extra strength because tool likes to come apart.Next I added the ghost Garland. This added a third color to the mix and some spooky as well. I also secured this directly to the metal ring. Pretty simple step, just wrap the garland around the wreath.For the BOO I tied it onto the wreath with string to hold it on. Then I used the hot glue gun to position it where I wanted. I knew simply glue wouldn’t be strong enough to last, which is why I chose to tie it on with string for added strength.After I had the BOO where I wanted it, I arranged the small figures around it for added flair. I had a package of plastic bugs and skeletons and a package of glittery bats. I didnt use all the bugs, mostly just the spiders, so my kids got the extras to play with. I tried to positon them in places with contrasting colors so they would be easy to see. Hot glue is what I used to keep them in place. Careful with this part as not to burn your fingers on the hot glue that eeks through the loose weave of the tool.Lastly, I added the little witch hat in the middle of the wreath. I debated putting it on top or figuring a way to tie it on the front, but ultimately chose to put it in the middle. This was the most difficult part of the entire craft. I tied both sides down with string. I made little peeky holes down to the metal ring and secured the hat directly to it. Once it was tied down, I used a little hot glue to position it exactly how it needed to sit and keep it there.Final product on the door. In total, this took me about an hour to make and cost me just under $10. I like how it turned out, and I’m pretty pleased with my craftiness. I’m thinking next time though, I’m going to use black tool on the base and orange or purple garland. Just to make it more stable and simply pleasing to the eye. Final consensus is you can make a good looking wreath entirely of Dollar Tree materials. Have a fashionable door and not spend a fortune. I’d say the experiment was a success.

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Halloween Shirts

Andi

Walmart is stepping up their game in the clothing department. I get themed holiday (Christmas, Halloween, sometimes St. Patricks) shirts each year for the family. Previously Walmart’s designs were mediocre and the fabric was stiff and uncomfortable. The kind of fabric you have to wash 20 times to make it soft enough to wear. So I almost exclusively bought holiday shirts from Target because the quality was just better. I was already at Walmart though and figured it wouldn’t hurt to look. I was pleasantly surprised!

The design is cute, the fabric is lightweight and soft to the touch. They had several different options to choose from (something I’ve run into at both Walmart and Target) and plenty of sizes in stock.

These are the kinds of shirts my kids want to wear because they look cool and they’re comfy. My child was so excited about the dinosaur shirt that had teeth. He wants to get dressed if he loves the clothes he’s putting on and I don’t have to explain to him how its not appropriate to go out in your underwear. I’ll put these on my kids again and again, even after Halloween. Well done Walmart!

family, My Story

Adolescent Travel

Andi

All of the road trips I took with my grandparents were when I was fairly young, 10 and under. As I got older, and consequently they did as well, health complications and more frequent doctor appointments kept them from travelling like they had before. They would still go, as much as they could, but it was never quite as far or for as long. But as I got older, I started being able to go on my own, sometimes with a group of other teens. My first job was to pay for a vacation. These were the travels of my youth. Each one of these could probably make up an entire post all by themselves, and maybe I’ll go into more detail later.

To anyone who lives in America who can, I strongly suggest travelling outside of the U.S. Being able to immerse yourself in other cultures and lifestyles gives you a unique persepactive on the world. It’s good to know there are many different people who live rich and full lives that don’t look or live like we do in the States. We are but one peice of the bigger world puzzle.

The first time I travelled outside the United States, I visited London. I loved it there, and absolutely would love to go back. I don’t think I could live in such a big city, but the magnificence of the history drew me there. There is so much to tell, I could probably fill a book. I do remember this huge difference in people. The people who lived there I suppose are accustomed to tourists and were overly kind to us. But the other tourists were slightly rude and unkind. One of my favorite stops though had to be Westminster Abbey. This photo is unedited and was entirely accidental, but it is perfect. Th Abbey is the final resting place of quit a few people, but also still holds regular services. It was almost haunting to stand in. The place is beautiful and striking and serene.

I also was fortunate to visit Spain. My biggest take away from that visit was food. I came home with manchego (cheese made from sheep milk), nutella, and churros. All of which I now see all over the US. They were probaby here before but I hadn’t taken notice of them. I remember there being an entire museum about the Spanish Inquisition, I got one room in and had to turn around and leave. Some of the church buildings still have chains and cages hanging from the walls. This photo is the town of Toledo. This is where I bought my sword that I do still have. There were also quite a few castles in Spain, more than I remember being in England. And let me tell you, the Spanish knew how to glam it up. There was one room that had a ceiling covered entirely in gold pineapples.

For Christmas one year my older brother promised to take me to a concert. So, of course, I picked a concert in a totally different state. He told me ok, but this was now like 5 years of Christmas gifts. He and I went to Pensacola, FL in November, when noboy else was there. This was also the year after the big BP oil spill. The beaches were empty but it was Florida, so it was still pretty warm despite being winter. The white sand was flecked with hardened black oil. We also went to the Naval Aviation Museum, which of course was full of airplanes. Beautiful and big and filling the entire building. This was also the city in which I had my first glass of champagne and the absolute best corned beef sandwhich I have ever put in my mouth. It was huge, so big, I could barely get my mouth around it. Layer upon layer of thinly sliced melt in your mouth beef. My mouth is watering thinking about it again. That was a good sandwhich.

In 2010 I went to Romania. This was a youth group trip, so I wasn’t alone. Sadly, this put limits on what I could do. For instance, I saw Draculas castle! Well, I saw Bram Stokers home. On top of a massive hill, overlooking a small town. But nobody else wanted to go up to it, so I never got to go inside! However, we did visit some Roman ruins. It makes me feel kind of dumb that the country I was in is called ROMANia and I didn’t put together that it had anything to do with Rome. The country was a common summer destination for wealthy Romans and many had palaces and summr homes there. It was one of these vacation palaces that we were able to see. It was surreal to stand there in a crumbled home someone lived in a couple thousand years ago.

Budapest was next. This was the same youth group trip since Hungary and Romania are right next to each other. We didn’t spend as much time here, so there’s not as much to tell. What I remember most is the breathtaking architecture. Every building was ornate. This is their parliament building, but it wasn’t the only beautiful work in the city.

In 2011, 2012, and 2013 I attended OshKosh AirVenture. For those who don’t know, this is the biggest airshow in the US that takes place every year. It takes over the whole town for a week. The event is massive. I’ve been 3 times and I absolutely want to go again. When I went, I was in school for Aviation Maintenance Technology and would go with my school. I can still smell it, that crisp, sharp, airplane smell mixed with grrass and tent vinyl. I want to be in the air again so badly. It’s been too long. These trips were some of the most purely joyous.

Do you remember I said I loved old churches? This is the organ in Trinity Churh in NYC, and yes, I loved it. Look at those pipes! In comparison, these aren’t the biggest organ pipes I’ve seen, not even the oldest, but there is still something special about them. Maybe because this church is part of my own nation’s history? I also tried to go to St. Patrick’s Cathedral but at the time it was under renovation and all I got was scaffolding. The intricacy of these old places of worship astounds me. They are works of art.

Close to NY is New Jersey, which is the home of the Cake Boss. No, he was not there when we visited, sadly. Nonetheless this place was so crowded, but good gracious was it worth it. His cakes really are that good. He has a reputation for a reason. It was light and sweet, but not so sweet it makes you sick. My mouth is watering again.

I have had a strong fascination with the Civil War for years. The politics of it, the fuzzy grey areas people tend to look over. Even now, we still have people fighting over it. “It was actually about states rights!” Some yell. Others respond, “it was about slavery!” The debates over whether or not to tear down Confederate statues or leave them be. One of the most prominent battles of that war was at Gettysburg, and of course Lincoln’s most well known speech. We visited both sites. The battlefield is now speckled with statues and monuments of both Confederate and Union soldiers. This one is in honor of Pennsylvania soldiers from both sides. By far the biggest, most likely because Gettysburg is in PA. The location of Lincoln’s Gettysburg address also has a monument but is in a graveyard. White stone after white stone marking the final testing places of many young soldiers.

Just a few of the snapshots from my youth adventures. As a teen and young college student I travelled far and wide. I was incredibly fortunate to be able to make such trips. These were a peice of the mold that shaped my mind, and I am eternally grateful I had the chance to experience them.

family

Superheroes

Andi

My grandparents were my biggest role models. They were the only strong positive influence in my young life. My grandma passed in 2008 when I was 15. I lost one of my role models right as I needed one most.

I read a lot of C.S. Lewis, so I suppose you could say he was someone I looked up to. And Julie Andrews was my musical hero. I wanted to sound like her, but I also wanted to be like her. She is a magnificent and beautiful woman, and I still want to be like her.

I don’t remember who, but someone gave me a copy of Iron Man that had been released that year. I was instantly enamored. For the next 11 years Marvel spun an elaborate tale of struggle and triumph. These flawed and broken characters who overcame and defeated their enemies became my role models. It didn’t matter that they were fictional. It didn’t matter they might of had problems, that just made them all the more real to me. I looked up to them and tried to emulate them. Especially Tony Stark. Its made pretty plain that Tony had anxiety. He had deep fears and serious regret. That he struggled. But he still got up everyday and put on the suit. He overcame. His character resonated so deeply with me and he became my personal role model, and of course my favorite Avenger.

It came to the big conclusion, the Endgame. When Tony sacrificed himself, it felt like an end, closure. 11 years I’d been following this hero through his arc, and now it was over. A month later is when my only other real life personal role model, my grandpa, passed. Almost like the true end of this part of my journey. Tony came along exactly when I needed him, and I don’t need him like I used to. I grew up in those 11 years. I faced my own anxiety and deep set fears. I graduated school, got married, had children.

Grandpa got to see all of his grandchildren grown and happy. Thats what he remembers last. His granchildren and great grandchildren giggling and happy around him. He was at peace.

Tony got to see his efforts repair the catastrophe Thanos had caused. He got to see his daughter, he got to see Peter. He saved the universe and he was able to rest.

I will always love Iron Man forever and always. I will always love Marvel for providing a hero for me at the perfect time, even though they have no way of knowing I needed it. I will hold a special place for RDJ for bringing the character to life. I will always love and cherish my grandparents for providing the true role models I needed direct contact with. My personal superheros.

family

Autumn Crown

Andi

Today we made a craft that had two parts. First was to gather the materials, and then assemble. We made an Autumn Crown, which involved gluing leaves and flowers to a paper band that fit on the head. This was a fantastic idea in theory, it really was. But it wasn’t until we set out to find fallen leaves that I became painfully aware that we now live in a mountainous region largely populated by evergreens. You know, those trees that are always green, don’t change color or drop their leaves. But we managed to make it work and I’d still consider this a successful craft.

Materials are simple: paper (we used construction paper) glue (I used a hot glue gun) and bits of nature.

So we got dressed and my son brought a bag with us and we went on a morning walk in search of fallen leaves. This got the kids up and moving and thinking. Like I said, there weren’t many leaves, so we resorted to anything the plants had dropped. So we ended up with some pinecones and acorns, some pine leaves, some orange balls, and we did find one leafy tree that shared some turning leaves with us.

We came back and I got out the construction paper that I then cut into a band. I let them color it with crayons before we did any gluing. Since I used a hot gun, I did the glue part. I let my child choose the piece of nature and where to put it on the crown, and then I glued it on.

A rock was also found on our walk and went into the bag, along with some grass and dead sticks. But the rock also got a pine hat, and a cherished spot by the window whereas the sticks and grass did not.

For active kids, this is a perfect craft. They get to forage for the materials they need and it gets them moving and in nature. The Autumn Crown was great fun and looks like fall has arrived in your home! 👍🏼 loved it!

family, My Story

Young Travel

Andi

This tidbit of my life story is going to be a little more lighthearted than the last one. That one was kind of heavy, so let’s lighten up a moment shall we?

I said before I traveled a lot with my grandparents when I was young. My most fond memories are from the trips I took with them. Really, I’ve been a lot of places in my lifetime, and I realize how fortunate I am to have had such experiences. I got down the photo box and dug out some of the photos. There are so many trips we took, I can’t fit everything into one post. These are all from when I was very young, most with my grandma and grandpa, sometimes also a sibling. It also reminded me I really need to digitize my photo albums and probably organize them better. 😬

If you remember, I told you my Grandma loved flowers, particularly wildflowers. I have myriads of these photographs of just wildflowers. She would spot some and make us pull off the road so she could get out and snap a photo. I have no idea where this was taken, or how old I was. But even now, her passion lives on everytime one of us pulls out one of these and smiles remembering how much she enjoyed the flowers.

Someone recently asked me if wanted to go with them out to the sand dunes and I laughed. It immediately brought me back to this trip. I was probably about 5, maybe 6. For whatever reason they let my older brother (approx 13) drive the sand buggy, and he crashed it into a giant hill of sand. Kid couldn’t drive straight to save his life in that thing. My strongest memory, having to shower several times to get all the sand out of every crevice. And I was a scrawny little kid back then! Now I’m pudgy and have a lot more crevices for sand to get stuck in! So no, I don’t enjoy having sand in between my buttcheeks, but thanks for the invite.

I was probably 7 years old when my grand parents took me to Yellowstone National Park. Remarkably what I remember most weren’t the buffalo, or the waterfalls. It was the Park Ranger. They had an activity book you could do about the park, and if you finished it, you got to be a Jr. Park Ranger. I did it, very proudly, and gave my workbook to the ranger. It was a woman and I can recall the way she looked, her facial features, her hair, the sound of her voice. I don’t know why I can so vividly recall a person who’s name I never knew and who I won’t ever see again, but I do. I still have the Patch she gave me that says Official Junior Park Ranger. I also have a visual imprint of myself and Grandma sitting at a table behind a huge panoramic glass window watching Old Faithful. I’m not sure where Grandpa was in this memory. Maybe outside trying to take this picture.

At 8, I went to Mount Rushmore. I thought my brother was with us, but he says he’s never been, so I guess it was just me and the grands. I don’t actually remember much about the carving. We obviously saw it or this picture wouldn’t exist, but it’s not what I have in my memory banks. I remember the walking and the trees. We walked so much that day. Ducking into the shade because it was summertime. And I remember the gift shop. There was a museum about the making of the mount and it had a little gift shop. I was allowed to pick one thing and I couldn’t decide on what. I eventually got a sticker book. A sticker book. A shop full of options and I got stickers. Because 8 year old me was a genius.

One thing I find kind of humorous now is my Grandparents just did not have the same concerns my parents did, and it exposed me to different beliefs. I’ll explain. My parents being the religious way they are, insisted we go to church if we were gone over a sunday. So we did, but as Grandma and Grandpa werent like my parents, they didn’t really care what kind of chuch it was. About their only requirement was is it Christian? And is it on our way? Its Sunday, the town were in has a Methodist church, let’s go. Next Sunday, it was a Baptist church, also good. I don’t really remember any of these churches excpet for one. When we visited my great great aunt, we would always go to church with her because she was devoutly Lutheran and would not miss a service. I remember it because the organ pipes covered the entire back wall of the sanctuary and the side walls were solid stained glass. The place was beautiful. I remember walking in and being in awe of the beauty. The church I grew up in was boring and mundane compared to that. Old churches and cathedrals still leave me in awe.

This was at a beach, obviously, but I am uncertain as to which one. It could easily be Padre Island or Pensecola, FL. We went to both. I’m kind of leaning towards Texas though, because we went there more often. I love the beach. Unlike the sand dunes, there’s tons of water right there to wash the sand off. My great great aunt collected sea shells, so when we went to the beach, I’d search for shells to take back to her. Which is most likely what I’m doing in this photograph. The last time I got to see her, she gave me several of her favorite pieces. A bear made if sea shells. A shell necklacehe she had made. I still have these, and I cherish them.

When I was 12, my parents took my Aunt and Uncle on a cruise. As I was still at home, I got to go too. We went to Alaska. Seriously, one of the most beautiful places on earth. I couldn’t find the pictures I took there, all I could find was this tramway ticket. I suppose I will simply have to take another vacation and go back to retake the photographs. I always kind of liked moose, but after I went to Alaska, it was my goal to see one in person. I still haven’t accomplished that goal yet, but I did see a watch for moose sign up in the mountains, so my chances to see one are rising!

I severely love to travel. This of course does not cover every trip we took, but these are some of the strongest memories. I think my grandparents are the ones who first instilled the love of adventure in me. They were my biggest influencers. They are my fondest memories.

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The Montessori Toddler

Andi

I have had an interest in the Montessori method for a while, but on the whole, was still rather ignorant of all it entailed. So I found the book The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies and started gathering information.

Many of the methods used in Montessori are things I already implement in our home to some degree. In some areas, the author takes things to a further degree than I have or to a more involved level. So in some areas I thought, this was simple, I already basically do that. But in others I thought, goodness no, there’s no way we could do that.

As with any parenting book, you can take the pieces that will work in your family dynamic and mold them to fit into your life. For instance, I can’t completley redesign the set up of our home to emulate a Montessori style room. For one thing, we don’t have the money to buy everything I’d want. But I can take the idea of learning activities displayed in a simple manner for the child to choose from and put them on top of the kid’s bookshelf. This didn’t cost me extra money, I just reorganized how our learning tools were kept.

There are 4 principles that jumped out to me and one element we couldn’t implment I’ll touch on briefly. If any of them piques your interest, I suggest grabbing a copy of the book and giving it a read through. It’s probably available at your local library and is sold on Amazon.

I’m going to get the one unsustainable element out of the way first. In a Montessori classroom they do not have any fantasy for children under the age of 6. The reason for this is because young children cannot usually distinguish between reality and fantasy. While this is true, we could not enforce such a rule in our home. There was already an enormous amount of fantasy and fiction in our home before we had children and they have been exposed to it from the beginning. In addition I have already seen a positive effect fiction has had in my child’s life. Exposure to a fictional robot triggered a strong fascination with space. Because Mars rovers look like robots, he eagerly soaked up all knowledge about them, and the planets, and astronauts, and space shuttles. He will tell you he’s going to the stars if you ask where he’s going. We’ve built rockets out of boxes, out of building blocks, and out of legos. So many crafts and activities that use dexterity, hand eye coordination, concentration and imagination were accomplished because of his love of a fictional robot. If this exposure means he really thinks lions can talk then that’s a hurdle I’m willing to jump. He will learn magic isn’t real soon enough. But there is no one size fits all approach in parenting. So if no fantasy works for you, go with it! That’s part of unique family differences.

Now moving to the amazing things I drew from this book. First is the principle of freedom within limits. Second is child involvement in everyday life. Third is the use of consequences instead of punishment and fourth is preparing the parent.

Freedom within limits is an idea that I love because the child is safe and learning boundaries, but still has some control over their lives. That doesn’t mean they can run willy nilly wherever they want or they do whatever they want whenever they want. That means they have a safe boundary inside of which they have the freedom to explore as they please.

Allow all feelings but not all behaviour

That’d be the difference between asking, “what do you want to eat for lunch?” And “would you like to eat macaroni and cheese or alphabet soup for lunch?” Or instead of giving them a full closet of all of their clothes and asking them to choose what to wear, only put out weather appropriate clothing and allow them to choose from that. They still get to choose, but from within a set boundary of choices. It allows the child to express their feelings and process all their emotions, but keeps them from harming themselves or others. So instead of preventing them from crying about being buckled into the carseat, you can acknowledge the emotion but they still have to be buckled in.

Letting the child be involved in daily life will encourage them to be involved later on. Kids love to do things and mimick what the adults around them do. My son gets angry if I put his dirty diaper in the trash and don’t let him do it. Instead of trying to distract them so you can clean the house, get them involved in the cleaning. It may take longer than it would’ve taken you, and it may not end up as precise as you would’ve done it, but it helps kids learn to help around the house and is good for their overall developement.

If we start to feel frustrated when it is taking too long, rather than get irritated we can acknowledge that this time we are going to help them, and try again tomorrow.

The author suggests toddlers can do even more than I’d already let my kids do and giving them child sized materials to use. Such as a small broom and dust pan. I have a toy vacuum that has a roatating brush inside that spins when its pushed. It goes in the closet with the big vacuum and comes out so they can vacuum when I do. One area for instance she suggested that I was not already doing was with the laundry. Constantly moving the kids, telling them to get off the bed or go play got tiring. So I tried letting them help fold their own clothes and put them away. The laundry did not look as pretty, but it wasn’t as stressful as times past. Of course supervise, but let them do as much as you are comfortable with them doing around the house. It will not only make them happy at this young age, but establish good habits as they grow older.

Using consequences instead of punishment is not a new idea, but maybe it’s new to us because it may not have been the way we were parented. I had already decided not to use threat and force to make my children comply with me out of fear, so this more gentle approach to discipline fell right in line with what I was doing. This section was more of an affirmation for me that I wasn’t crazy for parenting in this manner.

The word discipline comes from the Latin word disciplina meaning “teaching, learning”. So we should consider what we are teaching our children and what our children are learning from the way we discipline them.

The discipline should be directly related to the issue. Don’t take ice cream away because they were screaming for instance. It would look more like having to put a ball away and not play with it anymore because they were asked not to throw it inside the house and they continued doing it.

Lastly is the preparation of the parent. This section really spoke to me. I often find myself irritated and strung out and snappy with my kids over menial things a then feeling guilty about it immediately after.

It is difficult to be respectful to our children when we allow them to go beyond our limits.

If we aren’t respecting ourselves and our own limits, we won’t be able to respond kindly to our chlldren. We need to mentally prepare ourselves each day, and in the long term be doing things to fill our emotial tanks. So if that looks like waking a little earlier to have some alone time in the quiet before the kids wake up, or sitting down to crochet, or picking up a good book to relax with in the evening then make those part of your daily routine. You need some time set aside for yourself as well. Whether that means your partner keeps the kids so you can get a coffee or go to Target alone, or you going out to an art exhibit with your partner or friends, set that time aside and take it. We all know the phrase you can’t poor from an empty glass because it’s true.

Another tidbit from this section was that only you are responsible for filling your tank. Other people may be able to fill it, but they are not responsible for it. They aren’t inside your head. Only you know where your limits are and when your tank is running on fumes. You have the responsibility to recognize when you are close to losing your temper and stepping away to cool down. You need to take the initiative to say, I need some time alone and going on a bike ride.

This book was helpful, clearly written, and very well put together. This is such a small tibbit of the information it offers. I couldn’t begin to recount everything that is discussed. I liked it a lot, and would suggest it to any parent.

I did draw a few quotes from the book to try and give you a glimpse of what it entails, but of course if it interests you, I suggest finding a copy.

If you would like to purchase this book to read for yourself, I have provided a link directly to it on Amazon. It is worth buying for the wealth of knowledge it contains!

https://amzn.to/3548dtA

family

Parmesean & Basil Tomato Soup (meatless recipe)

Andi

Anyone love their crockpot? I do! Here is my Tomato Soup recipe made in a crockpot.

2 carrots peeled and chopped

Garlic cloves (you let your heart decide this amount)

1 cup chopped onion

About 8 Roma Tomatoes chopped

1/2 tsp dried basil

1 bay leaf

1/2 tsp Italian seasoning

1 tbsp sugar

Chicken Broth

2 tbsp Balsamic Vinegar

3 tbsp Basil pesto

1 can Tomato Sauce

1 cup Half and Half

2 cups Italian cheeses blend

And for the Grilled Cheese

Left over Italian Cheese

Shredded Cheese

Sliced Bread

Butter

In our family, we don’t adhere to a specific diet. Unless eating as much fresh and local produce and meat counts as a diet. I try to avoid processed foods as much as possible, but I don’t count calories or eliminate carbs. We aren’t vegan or vegetarian, but I do find that a balance in your food is good. In a lot of American food, there is no balance. We often eat too much meat and sweets and not enough fruits and vegetables. In an effort to balance things out, we eat one meatless dinner each week. I don’t take breakfast or lunch into this, this only involves the meal we all get to eat together as a family. Pinterest gave me lots of good recipe ideas, as did other bloggers.

One of the favorite meatless meals is this Tomato Soup. I do tend to make a massive mess when I make it though, so there is a lovely clean up. But it is still pretty simple to make, and as it goes in the crockpot, the smell fills the entire house.

As I said, this is a crockpot recipe, and you will also need a cutting board and knife and a blender. Starting off, chop up the carrots, onion, and tomatoes, these go into the crockpot first. Then go in the garlic, sugar and other spices. Pour enough chicken broth to cover ingredients. Stir and add the balsamic vinegar, basil pesto, and tomato sauce. Be sure all ingredients get incorporated well.

Let cook on low for about 6 hours. When the carrots are soft, transfer soup to a blender and blend until smooth. This is usually when I make the mess. After it’s as smooth as it can be, transfer back to the crockpot. Add the cheese and half and half. If you want it more creamy, add more half and half until it’s the texture you prefer.

Leave it on low while you make the grilled cheese. Nothing fancy here, simple grilled cheeses, but I use any leftover Italian cheese blend with my usual Monterey Jack.

I’m also an incredibly weird egg, because growing up, we didn’t eat grilled cheese with tomato soup, we ate peanut butter sandwiches. I didn’t even know people ate grilled cheeses with it until I was an adult. I now realize it isn’t normal, and probably does taste odd, but it’s a taste from my childhood, so I like it. It’s just a piece of bread spread with peanut butter and folded in half.

Once the sandwiches are made, dish out the soup into bowls. Don’t forget to turn off the crockpot! I let it cool a minute before serving. But as soon as it’s cool enough, dinner is served!

Is not hard to make, but does make a mess. I’d still say it’s an A+ recipe because my family loves it so much.

family, My Story

Recent Relationship with my Parents

Andi

We are nearing the conclusion of my story thus far. This particular topic today is kind of emotional and personal for me, but I hope you enjoy.

I hadn’t had a panic attack in months, in fact not since the move. Until my parents decided to make a visit. I had three in one week. Then my jaw swelled up and hurt to eat or speak. I went to the dentist afraid I had an infection, but no, I’d pulled a muscle in my jaw. An injury most commonly associated with people who clench their teeth in their sleep. I don’t do that, but I do tend to subconsciously grit my teeth when I’m stressed. I couldn’t talk the whole weekend they were here, which may have actually been a good thing. My jaw had just started healing the day they left. That was a Sunday, a purposeful tactic to try making us go to church with them. Well, it worked, we went, but it was just awful. My husband and I both avoided giving out any of our personal information because neither of us liked it. At lunch, my mom informed me she had given our phone numbers and address to a staff member so they could visit us. I was furious and felt infringed upon, but remember, I couldn’t speak so I just nodded.

I decided then, something must be done. This was a bad relationship and it had to change. I however didn’t know how to change it, so I stopped speaking to my mom unless we needed to relay information. No chats or small talk. I decided I needed some breathing room to figure out where and what barriers to put up. She hated that. She’d bug my MIL until she called me to try and convince me to talk to my mother. She’d called my husband and want to talk to me. She’d have my dad text me for her. Anyway she thought she could get me to talk to her. If I’m honest, this just annoyed me more and made me not ever want to speak to her for any reason.

We had to make a trip to Oklahoma because my Grandpa who had dementia had been put on hospice care. We visited him on Sunday and he was still alert. He was having trouble speaking, but he knew we were there. He got tired and so we took the boys outside and had some fruit in the backyard. My mom started bombarding me with questions on why I didn’t respond to her. Then gave me a sob story about how she didn’t have a great relationship with her mom, but never cut her out. She even went so far as to say she wasnt sure her mom loved her. (This is a sidetrack, but that’s such bullshit. My mom is obsessed with the 5 love languages, but can’t seem to piece together that my grandma may have expressed love differently than my mom does. And it seems to me that it has nothing to do with how grandma expressed love at all and more about my mom being bitter that grandma chose to have a career after she had kids and didn’t drop everything to stay home with them. But that’s a special rabbit trail) I told her then, my goal was not to cut her out, but I wanted a healthy relationship with her. She asked, “what does that mean?” And I said, “I really dont know, I’m trying to figure out what a healthy balance looks like.” That was the end of the conversation. Looking back I think her question was not looking for an explain of what I meant, but in bewilderment as she thinks we already have a healthy relationship.

Later, she came in to tell me to go through Grandpa’s room and pick out the art I wanted. She tried getting me to take one of his watches. He wasn’t even dead and she was trying to get rid of his things as though he were. I told her I wouldn’t. By Tuesday, Grandpa was unresponsive, almost as though he’d hung on until he saw us again. I was sitting with him alone, kind of trying to deal with the now imminent reality of his death. My mom chose this moment to come in and repeat the sob story about her mom with a few added details. I was already distraught, and she chose the most inappropriate moment to try and fish out a reaction. I started to well up, but the emotion was too great, so I shut down. I went silent and just stared at the bed rail until she trailed off and left. After I left his room, I had to leave the house. I went outside until we left. I couldn’t be in there anymore. I didn’t ever want to go back into that house again.

We had agreed, mom wanted to have a service with the members of their church that knew him and at a later date when all of us could come we would go out and bury his ashes. Since he was to be cremated, it didn’t need to be done right away. I talked to my mother before we left town and went over the plan then, so she was aware and knew what was agreed on. So my family left town to continue the second part of our trip. Until he passed, and then she threw a fit and wanted us to bury him right after the service. It was horrendously bad deal for us, this would mean we had to extend our “vacation” with no certainty my husband would be allowed to file for grievance. I tried to call and text her and ask why she was suddenly forcing such a rapid burial when it was unnecessary, asking her to wait. But she wouldn’t answer me and nobody else would confront her about it. Two of Grandpa’s grand daughter in laws, five of his great grandchildren, and his own brother weren’t able to make it. But gosh darn it all, my dad’s brother who wasn’t even related to Grandpa, hadn’t seen him in years and had no relationship with him was there, so it had to be done then. They shouldn’t have been at the burial at all. (Don’t misinterpret me, I like this Aunt and Uncle and I don’t blame them for this. They were just trying to be supportive in a hard time. This was all on my parents) My mom didn’t speak to me expect to take my brothers and I into Grandpa’s room she had already cleared out and converted to a guest bedroom (less than a week after his passing) and splayed all his inexpensive personal belongings and told us to take what we wanted. It was so uncomfortable.

Something broke inside me on that trip.

Most recently they came through for a visit over a weekend. My mother texted me a few months before and told me about it. At this first text, I told her we had no vacation time left and would only be able to see them on Saturday. The week of, I get another text saying they’ll be in town Thursday and would like to see us. I repeated, we only have Saturday available. Next day I get a text saying they’ll be in Friday instead of Thursday and they’d like to see us. I said, again, we are busy on Friday, Saturday is the day I’ve set aside to spend with you. So they call my husband while he’s at work and ask what is going on and if he would like to visit on Friday. He calls me and asks what’s up and why my mom is asking why I don’t want to see her.

See, my mom is really good at finding a weakness, she can sense them, and then she will target it to get her way. She knows that going behind my back when I’d already clearly stated the plans annoys me. She also knows my husband may not know what I’ve already said in a private conversation he was not apart of. So if she can get us saying opposite things, she can use us against each other and get whatever she wants. She can wedge her way in and make us angry with each other and not with her. So she will ask incendiary questions, like, what did I do to make her mad at me? Knowing he doesn’t have an answer and knowing that will upset him so he snaps at me.

She did this flawlessly without us noticing until we were angry with each other and I realized it. We both sat down that evening and set up a plan, and a defense. This wasn’t happening again. So I was busy on Friday, we kept them occupied doing things on Saturday so there was no down time to chat, and we conceded and had lunch with them on Sunday but did not attend church with them. After the first flub, it was the most peaceful encounter we’ve had with them in years. I guess in a way, she forced us to communicate for precisely and clearly and work together, so in some odd twisted way, her little mess was good for us.

I believe my parents are genuinely good people at their core, but I also believe they’ve been inundated with bad teaching for too many years. I believe that the particular brand of religion, the Independent Fundamental Baptist church, they’ve been a part of for 30+ years has poisoned them, and even shaped their minds and behavioirs. I want to have a good relationship with them, but I don’t think I’m able to unless they admit the problems and change them, and sadly I don’t believe that can happen unless they leave the church behind. With acquaintances, I’ve had to remove most of them completely from my life. But with my parents, I worry that change will never happen and they aren’t easily removable. Now I’m faced with how to move forward. How to deal with our relationship and handle it in a way that is healthy. How will I explain to my children why they never see that grandma and grandpa?

By suggestion of friends, I’ve gotten the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend and I’m just starting to read it. Hopefully this book will help me know how to move forward in my relationship with my parents.