family

Activities to do in the House

Andi

With many of the schools closing, businesses closing, many families are concerned how they will fill the time without going insane.

I went over the the Dollar Tree and found several great activities, and being the Dollar Tree, it was inexpensive. They have a surprisingly large variety of crafts and toys. I got a few craft kits, some sidewalk chalk, bubbles, and a little golf set. Just to have on hand as this virus escalates and its becoming more likely we will be quarantined at some point.

I did not get crayons or play dough there however. Both of these things can be purchased elsewhere for similar or even cheaper prices and better quality. You can get both at Walmart for a decent price.

We have activities I already had that will come in handy. Things like coloring books, puzzles, board games, dress up clothes, etc. These I think will also come in handy.

Many organizations are also putting free materials out for families to use. Scholastic for example is putting an educational program on their website with activities and books for you children to make use of and hopefully help keep their minds sharp. You can find this resource at

http://www.scholastic.com/learnathome

YouTube will of course have videos you can watch with your kids, educational and otherwise.

Keep your heads up. Doctors and scientists are already working overtime to develop a vaccine. By cancelling events, citizens are hoping to slow the spread of the virus, and maybe dissipate its severity. It kind of sucks, I’m going to be honest. I like going places, and can’t because everything had closed. But I understand why this is happening. To make the best of a bad situation, I’ve stocked up on activities and crafts I know the kids and I will enjoy doing together. We can make it through this!

family, My Story

Modesty: it doesnt mean what you think it means

Andi

You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.

This is what I think when I hear people talking about modesty. Because more often than not, what they mean is how much of a woman’s body is covered by her clothing. They love to quote scripture here too. 1 Timothy 2 is a common one. And sometimes will detail a list of attire they deam appropriate. They love to quote the Proverbs 31 woman as being covered in fine linens to mean she’s modestly dressed because she’s covered. But let’s look at the verses a little more deeply, avoid applying our own perceptions to them, and see what conclusions we come to.

Before we get started, I’m listing here the Miriam Webster 1828 Dictionary definition of modest.

MOD’EST, adjective [Latin modestus, from modus, a limit.]

1. Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful; as a modest youth; a modest man.

2. Not bold or forward; as a modest maid.

3. Not loose; not lewd.

4. Moderate; not excessive or extreme; not extravagant; as a modest request; modest joy; a modest computation.

Notice how only one of these definitions could even potentially be applied to dress and appearance. In fact its base word it is derived from is defined as a limit.

I find it is very important when reading spiritual texts is to understand both the time in which it was written, and the language it was written in. Having a good handle on the language you are reading it in is also a big help.

First let’s look at the verses in 1 Timothy that are so often used. I’m going to use the KJV as its probably the one you heard as a kid or the person arguing for this would use.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.
1 Timothy 2:9-10 KJV

Now, just for a comparison, read these same verses but in the Amplified version.

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves modestly and appropriately and discreetly in proper clothing, not with [elaborately] braided hair and gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but instead adorned by good deeds [helping others], as is proper for women who profess to worship God.
1 TIMOTHY 2:9‭-‬10 AMP

In this instance, κοσμίῳ is the Greek word used in 1 Timothy. Its defined as well arranged, seemly, modest. Interestingly when I stuck this in Google translate, which is using modern day Greek, it came out as cosmic.

Now, let’s take a look at Proverbs 31: 21-22 again in both the KJV and AMP simply for comparison.

KJV

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

AMP

She does not fear the snow for her household, For all in her household are clothed in [expensive] scarlet [wool]. She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is linen, pure and fine, and purple [wool].

And lastly this piece of Proverbs that describes a woman with the attire of an harlot, and I have heard used to line out what a harlot does look like and how not to look like one. This is Porverbs 7:10-12

KJV

And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house: Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)

AMP

And there a woman met him, Dressed as a prostitute and sly and cunning of heart. She was boisterous and rebellious; She would not stay at home. At times she was in the streets, at times in the market places, Lurking and setting her ambush at every corner.

Other verses describing the “evil woman” or an “unfaithful woman” don’t give us an image of her appearance or attire. They are filled with descriptions of her sharp tongue, her smooth words, and inappropriate behaviors. As though our actions are more vital than our clothing.

Now let’s go back to the top, to Timothy and the verse that uses the specific word, modest. Isn’t it interesting that the majority of those verses are about elaborate and expensive clothing? It says, costly array. This verse states we should wear modest apparel, not gold plated and expensive, but rather clothe ourselves with good works. We obviously cannot literally cover ourselves with good works, but a point was being made here. Are you more worried about having nice things than you are about caring for your fellow human? Do you greedily spend all your money on gold necklaces and ignore the hungry child? This is what was happening in the early church. In the Amplified version it says it is proper for people who worship God to help others. So according to the 1 Timothy passage, our selfishness is the issue, not how much skin is showing. Modest means moderate, not excessive or extreme, and this is the exact meaning of the word in this verse.

Now the passage in Proverbs 31, I think is pretty straightforward, but nonetheless, I’ll go over it. This woman is first off, not a real woman. But she is held as the pinnacle of godly womanhood. She is indeed someone impressive. She’s intelligent, financially prudent, crafty, businesslike, and loving. But the verses discussing how her children are warm in winter and her family can afford expensive clothing because of her wise investments has nothing to do with how much that expensive clothing covered her body. These verses are expressing her families prosperity more than anything.

Now the verses from Proverbs 7 say to beware a woman with the attire of an harlot. But what is the attire of an harlot? If this had been written today, you might describe a woman with lots of makeup, short tight skirts, maybe fishnet tights. But surprisingly clothing was not the same when this was written as it is now. So if trends and styles have been changing continuously then how are we to know what the attire of a harlot is and how do we avoid it? First of all, based on every other verse describing bad women, your actions and words play much more into your appearance than you think. This woman speaks softly and tempts the young man to come home with her. She is unfaithful to her husband, and lays in wait at every corner. Secondly this verse suggests there was a specific way harlots dressed and if I said the word prostitute, you know a specific image came to your head. So I think society plays a piece in this idea of harlots attire.

Another thing to consider is to take a look at our biology. Every part of our bodies has a function, even parts we have sexualized. Woman’s breasts can be sexual, but that is not their primary purpose. They are meant to produce milk to feed our young, exactly like every other mammal on earth. Elephants don’t cover to breastfeed. Our necks house our esophagus and throat. Our feet hold us up when we stand and our toes keep us balanced. But yet some people are aroused by neck biting, and foot fetishes are a very real thing. We cannot cover every piece of the body that arouses somebody or we’d all be walking around in body bags. The only body part designed and meant for sex are the sexual organs, and even they serve a purpose to reproduce as well. So we can’t make modesty rules based off of potentially being considered sexual. Beside the fact that this is a big variant, we can’t cater to everyone. And nowhere does the Bible say, woman be sure not to tempt that random man at the store, it says men keep better control of your eyes.

I know, I know they use the verse about not causing a brother to stumble, but I also refer you back to we’d be walking around in body bags. And that verse discusses being mindful of a friends struggles and helping them as they heal and grow. That random man isn’t my friend and I’m not responsible for his growth, he is. Plus, in the state of him growing, he will eventually not be tempted and be able to control his eyes. I am not to remove temptation from his path, whatever his temptation may be, he is learning to control himself.

Additionally, what does this teach girls and women? If we are to dress in such a way as to not cause any man, anywhere, to stumble or look at us lustfully, what are girls learning? To start with, this is impossible, you cannot keep every man ever from looking at you and thinking, “Dang, I’d like to tap that” no matter how you dress. Go back again to, we’d have to be walking around in body bags. But this is placing the personal growth and responsibility of all men and boys on women, not on the men it belongs with. It is no woman’s duty to keep another man from sinning. That is his duty. We are each responsible for our own actions, it is no one else’s, only ours. It is degrading and insulting to inappropriately place that duty on the shoulders of girls.

This is also degrading to our men and boys. You are teaching them they have no control, no limits. You are telling them they are barbaric and stupid, while simultaneously telling them they are in charge and in control of women. If you say it enough, they will believe it. You are teaching them if they see a scantily clad woman in the mall, they aren’t able to avert their eyes and wrangle their thoughts. You are teaching them it’s the woman’s fault, not theirs.

Which leads directly into, this nonsense feeds rape culture. From youth these boys are being taught they are not at fault, that a womans attire can literally make them insane. If they are not to blame when they have lustful thoughts, its only two steps further to say, it’s not their fault they raped a woman, because she was wearing a low cut blouse. Case after case after case have proven this is horse manure. Men and women have been assaulted in pajamas, robes, floor length pants and long sleeve shirts. It is never what they were wearing, it is always because a disgusting person attacked them. But we’ve also seen case after case of assault victims coming forward and their rapist is defended and they are demonized. Sadly, we see this a lot in the IFB group. Satan is not attacking your pastor, this is not spiritual warfare. Your pastor assaulted teen girls and he is a bad person. Period. End.

To say the idea of modest dress being disproportionately applied to women didn’t effect my childhood would be the biggest lie I ever told. I sometimes look at old pics and just cringe by how awful I was dressed. I’d be told they didn’t want me to dress frumpy, they wanted me to dressed tastefully. That was a lie. I looked like a boat.

I started pushing back fairly early, so I had to go back pretty far to find a picture that exemplified what I mean by good gracious I looked terrible.

You (and by you here I mean women and girls) couldn’t wear a shirt more than three (some places it was two) finger widths below your collarbone. Have you ever measured that? Its remarkably high, much higher than the average shirt comes. So shirts under shirts were incredibly common. Pants were out of the question. They were seductive and clung to the body exposing the curves of your female form. If you needed to do a physically strenuous activity in which a skirt would be indecent, you were provided with culottes. Should you be unaware what a culotte is, it is a knee length overly poofy legged split skirt. Historically I think they were created for women during the Victorian era to remain ladylike but be able to ride a horse (don’t quote me on that though). Some of these were pleated and so full in the legs you couldn’t tell they were culottes. Those were ideal.

Shirts were never to be sleeveless, some people wouldn’t allow cap sleeve shirts either. Shoulders and armpits were not to be shown, and an exposed bra strap was indecent. Your shirt also needed to be long enough that even with your arms raised over your head, it still covered the waistband of your skirt or culottes. Skirts varied a small bit. Some people said a skirt had to come to the knee, some specified that a skirt had to come to the knee while sitting, and others still dictated that your skirt had to cover your knees while sitting. Even the type of fabric of your clothing was regulated. Clingy fabrics like spandex blends were not allowed as they tended to stretch and hug the body. Your clothes had to be loose fitting and not show any form of your body. Girls were allowed to wear jewelry but your leadership could deny you the ability to wear something they deemed “too gawdy”. Only one ear piercing, no brightly colored makeup, no unnaturally colored hair, small necklaces only and one or two bracelets.

Boys had dress codes too but they were much shorter than for the girls. Boys were also not allowed to wear sleeveless shirts. They weren’t allowed to wear jewelry except for a watch and the men allowed a wedding band. Boys and Men were also not permitted to wear shorts. I’m honestly not sure of the reason for this. The girls could show their calves, but the boys could not.

Of course no outlandish hairstyles or colors. Neat hair dos. Clean and well kept clothes and hair were mandatory. Somehow God cared about your hair being brushed.

For how much I heard Samuel’s anointing David because, “God does not look on the outward appearance because God sees the heart” preached, I remember God caring a lot about how I looked. To dress modestly was pleasing to God. In explanation of why God cared so much when he looks on the heart, was because we were to be separate from the world in every way. Someone should be able to look at us and know we were Christian. God also cared because he loved all his children and didn’t want one of them to cause another to sin. In the case of looking different we definitely succeeded. Even the boys and men stuck out in a crowd usually. The women looked odd and frumpy in their loose shirts and long skirts and the men looked like struggling bussinessmen in their tucked in collared shirts and loose legged high waisted khaki pants. Especially in a group, we stuck out. As to not causing someone to sin, I think I’ve covered satisfactorily.

After I left the church I went through a phase of awkwardness. I never went through the discovery teenage phase because I hadn’t been permitted to. I had no idea what looked good on me or what styles I liked. Through controlling how I looked and how I thought and acted, my confidence and self image had been destroyed. Or rather, it had never been allowed to grow strong. I was not just building a personal clothing style, I was building myself. Then I entered a phase of anger. For a long time I couldn’t wear a skirt or dress of any kind. I still had my skirts, but I never wore them. Eventually that started to fade and I’d wear skirts and dresses but I couldn’t wear denim skirts. If I did wear a skirt it had to be too short for the church’s guidelines or I’d have to wear it with a tank top or low cut blouse. I was afraid if I wore something they approved of, I was falling back into their grasp. I finally realized that even years down the road, the group I’d left behind was still dictating how I dressed. I was still being controlled. I got rid of all of my clothes I’d had as a youth. I had to clean the space of it. I realized that no matter what I put on, I was still somehow breaking their rules. Their rules were so outlandish that by dressing like a normal human, I wasn’t falling close to their grasp at all. I realized that it didn’t matter how I dressed, how I live and believe is so contrary to them, I couldn’t fall back to them.

I have noticed over the years some churches and localised groups have started to shift in terms of apparel as the younger generations come up an take on leadership positions. You may actually see a woman at a church event in jeans. I see this as mostly good, but it has also created this double standard. The organization as a whole has not changed, and the churches haven’t changed their tunes on modesty. So it makes dress even more complicated. It’s ok to wear jeans to an activity, but not to a church service, and not to a different church’s event. And you can wear jeans, but not too tight and not with any holes. You may wear a dress shorter than the knee, but wear leggings underneath of it to cover your legs. None of this is spoken, it’s just this odd understanding that nobody is sure who made up. Instead of relieving pressure, it’s just made more. But hopefully, this will progress further and real relief will be seen in the future.

When you dress yourself what is your purpose for wearing what you do? If you wish to dress modestly remember these things actually taught in the Bible. Are you spending more money and effort on your clothes than you are helping those in need? How do you behave and carry yourself? Is it seductive and tempting? Are your sexual organs covered? Then if you are good on all counts, wear what you want with confidence and don’t let anyone shame you or convince you to change. You are modest.

family

Chicken Chili Soup

Andi

Simple meal? Easy to assemble? Throw it in the crockpot? I’ve got the recipe for you!

I love a good crockpot recipe. Really, I have this love affair with my crockpot, it is my friend. I’ve made this recipe a few times and tweaked and adjusted it until it was delicious.

2-3 Chicken Breasts

1 can Diced Tomato

Broth

1 can Black beans

2 cups of Cheese

1 Bell pepper

1 Jalapeno

1 Onion

2 tsp Cumin

2 tsp Chili powder

Salt and Pepper to taste

1 can Corn

I say 2-3 chicken breasts because this is dependent on how big your chicken is and how big your crockpot is. Adjust to size. You can put them in frozen and it’s no big deal. Add the tomato, beans and corn, just a can of each. Chop up the fresh vegetables. Add in the jalapeno and the onion. You can use whichever color bell pepper you want. I’ve used both green and red and they tasted just fine. Add the chopped bell pepper as well. Add the cumin and chili powder and a dash of salt and pepper. Add enough broth to cover the chicken breasts. Do NOT add the cheese yet. Save that for later. Turn on to high for about 3 hours, then turn down for another couple hours. Coming back to mix the ingredients every hour or so.

When your chicken has cooked through, pull it out and shred it up. Re add the now shredded chicken and now add the cheese and any additional salt or pepper you think it needs. If you love spicy and it’s not got enough of a punch, add a dash of cayenne. Mix all together. Turn down to keep warm and let it sit until that cheese is good and melted.

Serve hot. If you wish to garnish with cilantro and a lime wedge, do so! I put extra cheese on top, but that’s because I also love my cheese a little too much. Tastes pretty good with tortilla chips as well, extra tasty if you serve with those hint of lime tortilla chips.

Soup is delicious any time of year, but right now, if you are still cold and the chill sets in after the sun goes down, I guarantee this recipe will warm you right up!

family

Positive Parenting pt 2 As published on Positively Balanced

Andi

The second part of my Positive Parenting article has been published on the Women’s Health platform Positively Balanced.

This platform is a project I am so honored to be working on. There are all kinds if resources already available and we are growing and building the platform every day. Check out my piece, and then read some of the other work on the site!

Have a stupendous day!

Positive Parenting: Part 2 The Principles

family

What is Positive Parenting pt. 1 as published on Positively Balanced

Andi

I am so happy to share with you my very first article published on the Positively Balanced platform. This is part 1 of a two part article I wrote on Positive Parenting. I feel like I’m saying positive a lot!

Go check it out! I hope you enjoy the piece. Give the website a look while you are there. Link is below, and as always, thank you for reading.

Positive Parenting Part 1: The 2 Needs

Family, Clean Living

Kids Clothes on a Budget

Andi

I am formulaic about everything, even with something like clothes. But its given me a solid base to calculate how much my kids need (also how much I need, or rather don’t need) and given me the confidence that they have enough. I am frequently uncertain and doubt that they are fulfilled and have a high quality of life. One of the areas I find myself doubting is with their wardrobe. I see other kids in nicer clothes or see other kids closets bursting with outfits when mine have no logo on their sweatpants and space in their dresser. I can go back and remind myself they have X number of pants or shirts and that is plenty. They love to wear what they have, they are warm, they are happy and that is enough. I have to remind myself of this. Having my formula helps to reassure me and helps me keep track of what they might be in need of. It helps me keep a handle on what is inside my home.

I buy most everything used. It saves money, so that my children can wear name brand clothing but I don’t have to pay out the nose for it. For seasonal things, like Christmas shirts, or on occasion, like a great sale, or for something very specific, such as my child wanting a certain character shirt, I’ll buy new clothes. But on the whole I get used, or they have been the recipients of hand me downs as well.

There are a handful of things I never buy used simply because they don’t hold up well, or they aren’t good used. Things like underwear and socks, knit pajamas, and shoes. This would go the same for me as well. When a person wears a shoe, they imprint their foot shape and indents where they walk the heaviest into the shoe. You don’t have the posture or gait as that person and you don’t want to be walking in their foot grooves. Buy new shoes, make your own indentations, your feet will thank you. Even if you’re buying the clearance shoe at Walmart, buy new shoes. Knit pajamas just don’t hold up after so many wearings and washings, and aren’t worth buying used. They’re not expensive new anyway. Plus most of the time, two piece sets like that never stay together in second hand shops and I don’t want to buy only the bottom half of some Star Wars knit pajamas. Socks and underwear should be self explanatory.

Another reason I buy used is because it is more environmentally friendly. We don’t really need to be working all these factories to be on top of the trends and always have brand new clothes in our closets. We can look just as fabulous with what we have, or what we can find already made. Kids, I know, grow out of, or wear out their clothing. Adults can be hard on their clothes as well and will eventually need new ones. But we can help slow down the machine if we are buying used clothing. A few celebrities have drawn attention to this by pledging to never buy another piece of clothing. Who knows if they will keep this vow, but I appreciate their effort. And if you say one family not buying new clothing to help the environment isn’t going to make a difference, it’s silly to do so. Well, I can’t control what anyone else is doing, but I can control what I do, and I am going to do what I can no matter how small an impact it makes because it is good. In addition to the fact it is not the only reason I buy used, it’s just one part.

Every year, I take an inventory of my kids clothes in the next size up, to get a feel of how much they have and how much they need. They really could probably get by with less, but I always over plan just to be safe. And I do this probably 6 months before they are going to need it, so by the time they grow into it, they will have plenty and I can buy little bits at a time when I find something and not have one bulk cost all at once.

Each kid gets X amount of different clothing types and when they are deficient in one item, I add it to the list of needs. So, for an example, I would make an inventory list of how much they have in their next size and compare it to my set numbers and then add the difference to my clothing list and keep an eye out for a sale. Such as:

Child’s sz 6 Inventory

  • SS shirts 6
  • LS shirts 4
  • PJs 5
  • Pants 3
  • Jackets 2

Needs: 4 SS shirts, 6 LS shirts, 5 PJs, 7 Pants

In this example I have chosen to make each quantity needed 10, to make it simple, whereas in reality the numbers wouldn’t all be the same. For instance, I usually get them more short sleeve shirts than long sleeve.

How rough the kid is with their clothes and how often they need a change is going to inform the quantities. Small kids may need more outfits because they dirty their clothes more often than bigger kids. Some schools require a spare set of clothes to be kept at school in case of an accident, you’d need to add that to your list of needs. One of my kids is still potty training and sometimes doesn’t make it all the way to the toilet, or misses the toilet, or tries to wipe himself and doesn’t quite get clean. Right now, he has many pairs of pants and I am constantly washing pants and underwear because his dirty pant ratio is high at the moment. Where you live will affect this. If you live in a cold climate where it is often snowing, a good winter coat or snowsuit may be in your inventory whereas someone living in a swampy area wouldn’t need one. Your family dynamic will inform this as well. Does your kid sleep in their underwear and refuse to wear pajamas? They won’t need as many sets of PJs then. Are you a minimalist family that only has a small number of outfits for everyone? Your numbers would more than likely much smaller than mine. Every family unit is different, and so your inventory and needs will look different than someone else’s. I for instance make my children put on clean pajamas every night, so I’ve made sure they have at least enough pajamas to last a week without washing.

I let my children choose their clothes, both from the store and on a daily basis. I’ll take my child with me if I’m going with the intent of getting them some new clothes. I tell them what we are looking for, sometimes this takes a little guidance to keep them on track, and I let them pick out which they want. So we will go to the shirt section and they can choose which one they like best. Other times this looks like me finding 3 or 4 pairs of pants and they can choose one of them. And then their clothes go into the dresser and on most mornings, I tell them to pick out their clothes and get dressed and let them find the outfit they want to wear that day. It usually makes no difference if it matches or not, but it does make a difference in how they feel, and that is more important.

As I said, my kids have been the recipients of some wonderful hand me downs. Gifting clothes to a friend is probably the pinnacle of mom friendship. It is amazing. I cannot stress how important it is to make friends and put in the effort to build bonds with people. And to give of yourself. Give your kid’s old clothes to someone who needs them. Pass that goodness along.

I also shop consignment shops and thrift stores. Many people have caught on to this kids-grow-so-fast-and-I-can’t-keep-up thing and most cities have a kid exclusive consignment shop. These are wonderful. Find the one near you and follow their Facebook page and watch for sales and coupons. Thrift shops are also a big winner. They will have a kid section, but you most likely will have to sift through more chaos to find what you want, but the prices can’t be beat. Most thrift stores also have big sales. Some weekly, seasonally, some have sticker colors that are always clearance. Find those deals! But be cautious, since they have other sections too don’t get sucked into the sweater section and end up leaving with 4 kid outfits and 6 sweaters. I also go to the Just Between Friends sales. They have Facebook pages as well, so find the one nearest you, and follow that page. They are twice a year, and you have to respond and get a ticket to get in. Take the time to reserve the ticket. If you do, you get in free, otherwise you have to pay at the door. I have never left a JBF sale empty handed or disappointed. I’ve never spent over $50 and I always get a bag full of stuff. Garage sales are another place you might find clothes. I’m not a garage saler, so I don’t do this. Some people do and find excellent deals. If you are, go for it! I’m just not. You can also potentially find great clothes somewhere like Facebook marketplace. The trouble I’ve had with some of these is that people want too much for a used item. They are trying to get their money back on it and end up pricing it too high. There is also a risk meeting up with a stranger to buy something. Always, always, always meet in a busy public place not super near to your home. And if you can, don’t go alone. My suggestion for these is to look for the bulk sales. Someone selling a bag of clothes for $30 for example. I’ve gotten some good clothing that way. I got a Spiderman sweatsuit and Mickey Mouse fleece pajamas in one of those bags I paid $20 for. For my Disney obsessed kid, it was worth it.

There are all kinds of ways to fill your child’s closet and save money. Be wise with your spending. You do not need to buy that 4 piece outfit with a bowtie because its half off and it’s super cute. Put down the bowtie. Your child already has a dress outfit and does not need the one that’s 50% off. Look for those deals. Accept the generosity of friends. And give back to others. When you reach the numbers needed for your inventory, don’t buy any more clothes. Don’t fall into the, “it was only $2!” Trap. And rest easy in the knowledge that your kids have plenty of clothes, they love the clothes they have, and you aren’t living in excess. That’s something to take pride in.

family

Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse

Andi

This movie is a couple years old now, and is getting a sequel. But I didn’t hear much about it when it did come out. It was overshadowed by other super hero movies, and it didn’t do as well in the box office either. But I want to know why. I love this movie and so do my kids.

First up, let’s talk about the animation style. The desired affect was to appear like a comic book, and I think they achieved that. It definitely gives that comic book feel. But what really impressed me was the use of words and actions made it look like this really was a moving comic book. The framing and angles they used to make emphasis. Can I hear Miles screaming WOOOOO! I can, but seeing that fall with him in visual word form as he jumps amplified the excitement of the moment.

I’ve also seen posts thanking the film makers for animating women that all look different. But I’m going to spring board off of that and thank the film makers for not only giving us diverse looking women, but also diverse acting women. Two of the spider people are female, which we need more hero women, but one of the villains was a woman as well. It wasn’t until I watched this movie that I noticed how few supervillains were female. It may seem odd that I’d want more women in evil roles, but diversity means there are men and women in all roles, not just the protagonist. Not to mention that Penni Parker is Asian American, giving even more variance to group.

Which brings me to Aunt May. For me, Aunt May is usually a side character that is only there for her relationship to Peter. She still kind of is, but there are 3 things that make this May different. Well 4, because one is she was voiced by Ms. Freaking Frizzle, Lily Tomlin. But she isn’t a weak old helpless woman. First off she knew Doc Oc on a first name basis and just by the way she said, “oh, its Liv” seems to indicate they have some kind of history. Second, she knew and prepared the Spider Lair for Miles return. She was ready to equip him with what he needed, meaning she’d also helped Peter and played more than just the kind old aunt in his life. And lastly, she didn’t run from a fight. She took a baseball bat to Tombstone’s torso. She isn’t weak or cowardly, she was not about to let these hooligans destroy her home, she was ready to fight them for it. I repeat she bashed Tombstone with a bat. I loved this Aunt May and I hope the sequel shows us Miles has kept a relationship with her.

Now to Miles. This is simply happiness over representation. Miles is a mixed kid. A mixed child is depicted in a happy loving home, as the main protagonist, the hero. My children are mixed, Miles gives them a Spiderman that looks like them. I can’t tell you how much I love that. It shows a black man as a loving father, partner and a police officer. How many negative images of black men do we see in shows and movies? This movie gave us a good one. Can I just repeat, we got movie with a mixed kid as the hero?

The music score and song selections were absolutely perfect as well. The sound effects really make a movie. They are one of those things you probably don’t notice because it fills out the experience and supports the story. It’s one of the things you don’t notice when its there, but you would notice if it were missing. It’d feel empty and hallow to you. Like when you taste something and you know something is missing but you aren’t sure which exact spice it needs. Music gives emotion to a movie, and this music department did incredible.

And I’m just gonna throw this in, this film has one of Stan Lee’s last cameos. By the time it came out on DVD and Bluray, he had passed. His cameo in this film is made more emotional because of that. It makes me tear up. Especially knowing how much Stan loved Spiderman. I’m gonna miss him.

But even just on the surface, it was funny and cute. The dialogue was captivating, the characters developed, the jokes well placed. It made me laugh out loud.

It was a good movie. It deserves the fanbase its developed, and I hope the sequel will prove that numerically.

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About Max

Andi

The Sound of Music is obviously a classic film, and Julie Andrew’s is divine, as she always is. But the last time I watched it, I paid a lot more attention to a more minor character in the film I hadn’t before. Captian Von Trapps producer friend, Max, who kept trying to convince the Captian to let the kids perform. In the past I saw him as a kind of bad guy because he kept advising the Captain to go along with the Nazi’s. During the ball scene Max told him to remove the Austrian flag, and it made the Captian angry. But Von Trapp still kept him around despite what I saw as Nazi sympathizing.

Its important to note that Max is a completely fabricated character. The actual Von Trapp family did have a producer that performed with them, but he also fled with them to America. What I believe Max was put in the film to do was present a contrast to the Captian and express the view of many people of the time.

The Nazi’s had already established themselves as a force to be reckoned with by the time they invaded Austria. The Austrian people knew it was comply or be killed. When Max expressed concern over the flag at the ball, it wasn’t because he was in agreement with the invasion, it was spoken out of fear. He showed us the viewpoint of just lay low, don’t cause any trouble and maybe they will just pass us by. If we don’t cause any problems, at least we will stay alive. I think a lot of people hoped for that. At least we will stay alive. This is in contrast with Captian Von Trapp who flew the Austrain flag with pride and scolded the telegram delivery boy. He was not going to let anyone think for a second he stood in favor of these Nazi’s. Even the Captian said, “to oppose them would be fatal”. They all knew to speak up would surely be death. Max isn’t a bad person, he’s a terrified person. He is there to show us the scared citizen trying to slip by unnoticed and not be hung in the town square.

I think he can show us about ourselves today. We aren’t afraid of a public execution, but we are afraid of public humiliation. We are afraid of upsetting our friends. So we hide the flag. We stay quiet about big issues, even when they are costing lives. Max shows us our own fears. Why don’t we openly discuss teen suicide and fight to make mental healthcare accessible? Why don’t we fight for better immigration reform? We need to learn from Max and the Captain even in our lives today.

In the end, Max did help aide the family in their escape. The character came to a point of loving his friend and his country more than his fears and risked himself to help them. Because he was fictional, the movie never tells us if he was ok or not. But I’d hope he was.

family

Quick Quiche and Casserole for a Busy AM

Andi

Meal prep, how are you going to handle it? You’ve got a busy morning and you don’t want to throw pop tarts at your kids on their way out the door. What do you do?

One of the things I do, is use preprepared casseroles and quiches. Both of which are pretty simple.

The casserole first, only has a handful of ingredients. Gather together a tube of croissants, eggs, cheese, and whatever veggies you like. Mix together the veggies, cheese and egg in a bowl. Place the croissants in a dish rolled up and poor the eggs mixture on top. Place in 350° oven for about 30 minutes. Pull out and allow to cool completely. Cover securely and put into the freezer. When you intend to eat it, put it back into the oven for 20 minutes or so until it’s good and warmed through.

For the quiche I use a store bought pie crust. This is even more straightforward. Its eggs, meat, veggies of your choosing, and cheese. Whisk all ingredients together and poor into the crust. This one goes in an 350° oven for about 20 minutes. Same thing, cover securely and place in the freezer. When you pull it out to eat, warm it in the oven about 20 minutes.

Both of these I would prep and eat within a week or two. This is not a save forever in the deep freeze kind of situation. But on the morning of, it makes breakfast easy. Pop it in the oven and get everyone dressed and everyone’s teeth brushed while its warming up.

family

Over the Top: A Raw Journey to Self Love

Andi

I recently finished reading Jonathan Van Ness’s auto biography entitled Over The Top. It was a raw, honest telling of his life thus far.

He openly discusses not only his struggles, but how non linear his journey has been. I think this is important and seldom talked about. You won’t always set to overcome an addiction and then beat that addiction on the first try. You won’t always set a goal and meet it. You will fail. You will experience setbacks. There will be some event that sends you spiraling into your emotions and you turn to the very habit you are trying to break. You will or probably have felt like such a failure before. Why don’t we talk about how many times we’ve all tried to move one step forward and gotten shoved two back instead by an uncontrollable force or our own shortcomings. Jonathon doesn’t hide any of this from the reader. Some of it was hard to read. Honestly. My heart was breaking. It was refreshing to see someone be so honest, but also wrenching to see someone struggle so much. I cried.

I would also say this book is encouraging but also discouraging. It is encouraging in that someone could rise up and accomplish so much, and that society is slowly changing. Yet discouraging because it reminded me that I, as a parent, am incapable of protecting my child from all the bad out to harm them. I can be the most loving, supportive mother, but I still can’t force the world around us to also be loving and supportive.

And most importantly! I love Jonathan’s complete adoration of cats. For real, I watch the instastories eagerly hoping it’s another cat post. He tells a story of the bond he had with his very first cat and it melted me. I love cats. Just animals in general can be such loyal, compassionate companions precisely when we need them, but for me, that animal has been cats. I got my first cat when I was 12. I’d begged for one for years but always been met with a firm no as my dad hated cats. Finally, he caved when we found a rescue that had been dumped out in the country by my uncle’s house. She was a long haired orange tabby named Rachel. She was beautiful, however not as regal as my current companion. My cat now, Magnus, is 6 years old. He is a sleek black short hair, and he believes he is the Lord of a large estate. He has always been beside me, and one of my greatest joys is seeing him interact with my children. He will curl up and comfort them when they are sick. He head bops them, and they head bop him back. I would adopt every last black cat on earth if I could.

And the Romanov’s??!! Look. My young life was drastically molded by a select few films. Anastasia was one of them. I Loved it, but my mother did not. She believed it was wicked due to the presence and practice of Rasputin. (Which, to be fair, the story of the REAL Rasputin is…unnerving) I remember going over to friend’s houses to watch it at sleepovers. It still remains a favorite movie of mine. And did trigger a good deal of reading about the actual Romanov family, but that left me far more sad than the movie.

Not to mention how much Jonathon loves figure skating. I, too, dreamed of becoming an Olympic figure skater when I was young. Except unlike his dance routines, I designed all my own costumes. They were detailed. Growing up with a seamstress, I knew what went into crafting an outfit from scratch. I put all the knowledge and a lot of bad math into these costume designs. Most of them were blue, and contained a lot of floral elements.

But truly, what I find most important is learning about a person different than myself. My grandmother would encourage me to read all kinds of books, even books I didn’t think I’d agree with. She was trying to encourage me to think critically from every angle and not be narrow minded. Meeting someone who is different from you and listening to them, learning about them forces you to see from their perspective. It challenges your viewpoints. Diversity is good. Reading can be an easy way to do this. This is why I often look for books that I think I will learn from. Even though I am religious, I find books by athiests enlightening, or written by leaders of other world religions. They might be able to teach me something I’d never considered before. While I think it is good to meet and interact with all kinds of people, maybe you can’t meet these people face to face, that’s why books are so helpful. I can learn about Jonathan Van Ness without meeting him face to face by reading his book.

Which I greatly encourage you to do as well.