family

What is Most Important

Andi

What is most important?

With my schedule so full now, my attention is being pulled in so many different directions. Every minute of my time seems to be spoken for by something. When we get this busy, the truly important things often get overlooked because they aren’t shouting at us with booming voices and deadlines, they are tugging on you softly and asking you to come play.

Since I so strongly believe that parental care and attention directly affects children’s behavior and development, it is doubly important to me to be sure my children are receiving plenty of my attention. Children need to feel loved and appreciated, and its my job to be sure they feel that way. On top of that, I have a partner who also needs my affection. Our relationship is foundational to this household, and we need to keep it strong. A partner may or may not say to you, I feel neglected, even if they are feeling that way. I need to make time for that as well.

A couple weeks ago I took my older child to a cat café for the afternoon. It was just the two of us, and we got to enjoy some individual time together playing with kittens. We had a wonderful time. And his little need gauge was filled.

Kitty at the Cat Café

My partner and I were able to get the kids to bed earlier this week, and then curl up on the couch and watch the South Park Pandemic Special together. That seems so minute and trivial, but those moments just together are valuable. I treasure our post bedtime “Us Moments”.

Since the older kid got to go out with me, I decided it was time to take the younger one out for some one on one time. He and I both needed it. So we went out to the library, went walking, and then to get a giant cinnamon roll to share. It was relaxing and fun, and we both enjoyed our time.

Rose Bush along our Walk

But the genuine challenge has not been fitting individual dates into the weekend. The weekend is everyone’s time to unwind and relax, and my individual time with my kids is just that; relaxing and unwinding. Its the day to day time that is hard to fit in. Children need attention and affection every single day, not just on the weekends. That’s when it gets hard. When you are tired from working. The food needs cooking, then clothes need folded, baths need to be taken, the litter box needs scooped, the class needs finished. Those are the days when its hard to stop and give your child your undivided attention. That’s when its been hardest for me. On those days when my brain is so tired it feels like it is literally sagging in my skull. That’s when its hard.

Fortunately I have my partner. Who also loves to be with our kids. So that on a day when I am so worn emotionally and physically, he can go build spaceships and read bedtime stories so I am able to just be alone.

Choosing to carve out the time to spend a few undivided moments with my children and my partner can be hard, particularly with my scatterbrained mind, but its so integral. On the short term level, I want them to be able to learn and listen at school, and my time put into them helps them achieve that. On a longer term level, that time builds and strengthens our bond that will last their lifetime. It develops our trust and relationship, and that, is very very important to me.

Everything else can wait. Your mental health cannot. Your physical health cannot. Your partner cannot. Your rapidly growing children cannot.

My children deserve to know that they are more important to me than all those other things. They need to know that my family is the most important thing in my life.

family

From Empty Time to Every Second Filled

Andi

Just to give a little insight into how upturned my life has suddenly become, I want to share a little glimpse into just an average weekend here.

7 months ago, I was a typical stay at home parent. I spent nearly all of my hours caring for somebody or something. We had scheduled playdates, outings, physical activities, etc. I was looking for a job to help provide income and give myself some solid structure.

Then all the lockdowns hit and I became a pandemic stay at home parent. Anything we did had to be done in the home. our outings turned into daily walks to get outside somehow. I could nap in the middle of the day when my kid took one. We consumed an unhealthy amount of screen time. It got lazy in our house.

But in the midst of the chaos that has been 2020, I did find a job, and began working. Intending on working for a while, learning the ropes so to speak. Eventually I was hopefully going to be able to further my education through the program provided by my employer to advance in the workplace. I was imagining like, a years worth of time in this process. But things don’t turn out how we imagine them do they?

Due to a combination of the effects of the virus and some fellow employees quitting, I was thrust into a higher position a little by happenstance. I have tried my best to live up to the expectations set before me, but I have so much to learn about things still. Because the position I am being put into requires training, I was given to permission to start online classes. A little unfortunately, the in person classes have been suspended and online is my only option right now.

So now, I am working full time, taking online classes, and spending time with my family, and trying to keep myself and my space from looking disheveled and insane. I could not do this without the assistance of my partner. Between the rowdy kids, outside stressors and obligations from regular life, the way the house seems to magically get messy, the fact humans need food to eat, and the need for rest, I would not be able to juggle it all alone.

I do most of my work on Saturdays because it is the most free day of the week. sometimes Sunday, depends on which day is our “Chill and Relax” day. We have one every weekend to give our brains a break.

Having prefaced all of that, this is how my day progressed.

I woke up at 4am to one of the kids crying and coming to my bed. This is not uncommon, they crawl into bed with us if they wake up in the middle of the night. I thought we just had wet the bed situation and treated it as such, but did not go into the bedroom because I thought I could deal with that in the morning. Everyone settled and went back to sleep. I woke up about 7am and laid there about 30 minutes before getting up. I woke the kids up when I got up. It was at this point I finally went into their bedroom and discovered the moistness of my child was not from pee, but from vomit. It was on the bed and the floor. So I had to clean the floor and strip the bed. Check on the child for fever and signs of sickness. Contact my employer and let them in on the situation in case it ended up causing me to need to call in on Monday. Got laundry going, and gave the kids breakfast.

Its about 8:30 and I sit down to do a class; the kids contentedly playing in the Livingroom. Each class section is 1-2 hours long. After I finish each section I get up and stretch, move around, chase the kids, build a Lego car, etc. Today I had to get up to move the laundry and vacuum as well due to the vomit situation. I did two sections before pausing to clean the bathroom and change the cat litter. I then did my store run and stopped by the library. I came back and made up some lunch and then swept the floors. All throughout this my partner has bathed both the kids, kept them occupied, mopped, folded the clean laundry and kept and eye on the probably sick one. So I was able to sit down and do another couple sections about 2:30pm with a couple pauses to help the kids draw pictures and build a tower.

I feel like every minute of time has to allocated to something, even if the something is rest, so that nothing gets forgotten. My planner that was all but empty back in April is filled to the brim now. We have a lot going on, all good things, but still a lot of good things. Adulting may be fun, but it also incredibly hard, and can easily become overwhelming. Remember to give yourself grace and time to rest. If your schedule is full, write in time to do something you enjoy. For me, my afternoon visit to the library was a moment of refresh. I take time to paint. We have one day of the weekend we purposely have no plans and just take a break from everything. Keeping busy is good for me, but taking a rest is also mandatory. Another must is setting aside the time to be with my children and my partner. They also need my attention and affection. I need to give them that. I Must make room for that in my schedule.

My time has gone from very empty to very full very quickly, and while I love it, it can also be a little frenzied sometimes.

family

Stay at Home Schedule compared to Full Time Working Schedule

Andi

As I’m starting a new job and heading into the working parent world for the first time in a couple years, I thought it’d interesting to see the differences between my normal schedule now and my normal schedule then. To start with, I’ve been home full time with my kids for about 18 months now. This will also be the first time my kids are going to be outside the home while I work. Previously they’ve stayed with family, now they will be attending preschool.

I may discuss later some of the troubles I had finding childcare I trusted and was cost efficient whilst also finding a job that accommodated my family well. Right now, I’m just looking at daily life.

I’ll begin with our Full Time At Home Schedule.

6:30am Wake Up! the alarm goes off and I roll out of my comfy bed

6:30-8:30am Coffee Time!! I get my husband’s lunch out of the fridge, and make my cup of coffee. Then I sit down and drink it whilst I scroll through social media, check the news from the day before, etc.

8:30am Breakfast by 8:30 the kids are awake and breakfast can be served. Our morning meal is usually pretty light and informal. Maybe it’s fruit, or yogurt, or cereal. Nothing fancy.

9:00-12:00 Time to Clean The mornings are generally spent doing the cleaning tasks around the house. Washing laundry, vacuuming, doing dishes, so on. Once a week, I do a deep clean day that takes up most of the day.

12pm- 1pm Lunch I start Lunch about noon and then we eat.

1pm-4pm Afternoon Activity Sometimes this is a craft, sometimes it means baking cookies, or heading out to a museum or for a walk. We try to get outside if at all possible. Around 4, we start to head home to prepare for the evening.

4pm Tea Time I try to make myself a cup of tea in the afternoon to slow down for a minute. The children often bring me books to read to them as well. Its a few moments of quiet.

5pm-6:30pm Cook Now its time to begin preparing dinner, unless I’m making a crock pot dinner.

6:30-7:30pm Dinnertime

7:30-9:00pm Unwinding If anyone needs a bath, they get one, pajamas are put on, cuddles are issued. This is just whatever family play time is needed.

9pm Bedtime Sometimes this is only meant for the kids and we stay up later, but sometimes, everyone goes to bed. Especially if it’s been a taxing day and everyone is tired.

During the week I plan for an Outting, a Deep Clean Day, a Craft Day, a Walk, and a Pajama Day. After our schedule changes, this aspect of our routine will also have to change.

From the start the biggest changes I’ve noticed are that I am exhausted at night and have fallen right to sleep most nights. I even drank a soda after noon the other day and still fell right to sleep. This didn’t used to happen.

Working Full Time Schedule

5:40 am Awaken Alarm Goes Off and I fall out of the Bed and try to do a little stretching. About a week into working my leg started hurting and the only answer I can come up with is, I wasn’t stretching and being up on my feet all day gave my poor lazy leg a shock. So I make it a point to stretch my muscles to start the day.

6:00 am Dressing I get myself dressed, face washed, hair put up, teeth brushed. This takes the most time of the morning ordeal.

6:20 am Awaken Children I wake up the children, though this usually takes a few wake ups. They like to crawl under the pillows and go back to sleep. Then I start a load of laundry and feed the Cat

6:25 am Awaken Children 2.0 wake up the children again. Make my cup of coffee and get the lunches into their lunch bags.

6:35 am Brush The kids are forced out of bed at this point if not already up and dressed and teeth brushed. This takes a few minutes depending on how cranky they are that morning.

6:45 am Making Beds the beds are made and shoes are put on. I open up the blinds on all the windows.

6:50-7:00 am GET OUT THE DOOR We leave the house

7:00-7:45 am In Tranist

8:00 am- 5:00 pm Work

5:15- 6:00 pm In Transit Again

6:00 pm Coming Home We return home and Dinner is started.

6:30-7:00ish Dinner is Served We eat dinner. I’ve tried to find several easy 30 minute dinners so we are able to eat at a decent time.

7:00pm Individual Time One on One time with each kid. This looks different every day, but it is very important that it happens.

7:30pm Human Clean Time Showers/Baths. During this time is also when my partner does whichever cleaning task is designated for that evening.

8:00pm House Clean Time Laundry Folded from the morning wash, and the dishes from dinner are washed. My partner uses this time to spend some one on one time with the kids.

8:30pm Slow Down Reading time for the kids. A time to quiet down and get cozy.

9:00pm Kid Snooze this is kid bedtime, sometimes also grown up bedtime depending on the day.

9:30pm Deep Breath relaxing time for the adults. Read a book, do a cross stitch, paint, watch a show, etc.

10:30pm Everyone Snooze adult bedtime

As for our scheduled days like I had before they’ve been expanded to once a month instead of once a week. We have a good Deep Clean day one Saturday for example. Since the kids do crafts and play outside at school, they don’t have the need for that at home as much as before. So I will plan a baking activity or a craft for a Saturday afternoon, but not as frequently. I try to fit Outtings in twice a month, mostly for the time together as a family. I enjoy our family trips and I’m not willing to give that up. One thing that has stayed the same is that one day of the weekend is a Pajama Day, regardless of whatever else we may be doing. We all need that day of rest. I am also still meeting once a week to paint with friends, now over zoom, but I’ve been certain to keep that.

I’ve been interested to see what things changed with a more full schedule. Our screen time has dropped, as has my time on social media. This is a positive. I think the negative has been that I’ve had more trouble keeping up with writing and editing. I’m remarkably happy with how things are going however. I am loving my job and my kids love preschool. I miss having spare time to just nap, but I’m also more fulfilled. I’m struggling to keep up with writing and editing though and that is massive negative.

As I balance my time better and better, I will work my writing time back in. I am improving my time management.

family

Try Again

Andi

I did this peacock during my friend’s and mine weekly group painting, but I hated it. The first one looked so terrible. I didn’t finish it, I just threw it away.

I stopped to think about why it looked so awful, and evaluated why I disliked it so greatly. The colors were unclear and muddled together and looked like poo. What causes that? Well maybe it was my ridiculously old brushes that weren’t even designed for watercolor being too thick and wide to make the clear lines. I was unable to make the project look correct. So I went and got a new set of brushes. I also considered that my paints were getting used and running low. Perhaps they needed to also be replaced. So i also purchased a new set of paints.

New paper. Start over. The second one came out significantly better than the first. I can stand to look at this one. It could still be better, but that will be on a different day with different paper.

When you mess up, don’t throw your hands up and give up. Look at why you made a mistake, analyze how you could improve. What would make this project move more smoothly? Once you’ve done that, correct your errors. Make those changes. And then try again. If its still wrong, go back and try again. Don’t stop, keep changing things.. Keep making corrections until you get it right.

family

Paper Rainbows

Andi

I did this craft with my children. Its a pretty simple premise. I’d suggest the kid doing this activity be about elementary age. It sounds easy to you and me, but it can become frustrating for a younger kid still developing their hand eye coordination and dexterity.

Materials needed are construction paper cut in a U shape, tissue paper cut into small squares, glue, pen or pencil, white paper crumpled.

Take your U shaped construction paper and dob a line of glue along the edge. Take a square of tissue paper and wrap it over the eraser end of your pencil. Turn over and place on the line of glue. Repeat process until the entire row is full. After you finished one color, go back to the glue and start the next row of color.

Once you’ve filled your entire rainbow, take your white paper and add some glue to it. Place and hold onto the ends of your rainbow for a few seconds until the glue takes hold.

My younger child gave up the pencil and took to crumpling the tissue paper into balls and putting those on the glue. It actually turned out just fine. If your child is having trouble with the pencil and paper, you can show them how to crumple the paper instead.

Allow time to dry of course, and the hang on the fridge, or in the window, or on the wall. Or your kid can run around showing everyone they see their pretty rainbow.

This craft was a little bit of a challenge for us. I’d say it took a good 30 minutes to and hour and then time to dry. My child got frustrated and walked away a couple times. But this activity pushed the limits of their ability, and helped improve it.

Art

The Butterflies and the Bees

Andi

Its been a minute since I shared a photo I took. Granted, because of stay at home orders we haven’t been out as much these last few months as I would have liked, but we all have to do our part.

On one of our Nature Walks, we discovered several bees. Bees are our friends, and we love them. What was so incredible was that butterflies were also all about. It just so happened that a bee and a butterfly landed on the same flower and then stayed there together. I was so fascinated by this. Luckily I was able to snap a quick pic before they flew away.

family

The world before and after COVID published on Positively Balanced

Andi

My children and I took our first venture out since the virus first broke and stay at home orders were issued. We’ve certainly been out of the house in recent weeks, but always in large outdoor locations where social distancing is easy and fresh air is abounding. This time we went to an indoor location that had been closed but has reopened.

I jotted down a few things I took note of, and they have been published for the world on Positively Balanced.

There were also several images that didn’t get added to the article. I always take lots of photos of the various flowers, and occasionally get one of a butterfly. This time, we actually caught a glimpse of the reclusive Peacock Shrimp

The World Before and After COIVD: Nature Exhibit Edition

Give the article a look!

family

Pipe Cleaner Snakes

Andi

A bit ago, I had my kids do a beading activity. I noticed that my younger child was having a really hard time coordinating the moving string and the bead, to the point he was angrily frustrated and quit. I thought, surely there is a way for him to develop this skill without the frustration.

I’ve discussed the benefits of beading in my earlier post entitled Beading with Children. But any activity your children do should be doable without rage and irritation. Regular beading was a little too difficult for my younger child, so I adjusted the parameters a little bit to better fit their capabilities.

Instead of string, I gave them pipe cleaner to bead. Because pipe cleaners are stiff, they were simpler to coordinate. My child was able to do this craft without too much trouble. I’m fact they enjoyed it so much, they’d pull all the beads off and re-string them.

To add a little structure to this craft, we added little snake faces and positioned the snakes in funny ways. They turned out really cute with their tongues sticking out 😋.

This takes a little observation on the part of the adult. Can the children around you manage a wobbly string while they are beading, or do they need a little aide to work up to it? Another fun stringing activity involves those large wooden beads and shoe laces. Both of these will help a younger child develop their coordination to a point they can string beads, which in turns help develop other skills.

This craft did not cost a whole lot either. The beads I got in a set with some string for $1.99. You do not need that many, unless you have a burning desire to pick up a bunch of stray beads off the floor that rolled away. The pipe cleaners were $1 and I got the package of construction paper for $1 as well. Beading is so incredibly helpful and creative and costs so little. Give it a try with your kids!

Art

Octopus Watercolor

Andi

I’m really proud of this painting. A couple friends and I started doing watercolor tutorials together over Zoom a few months ago when the Stay at Home orders were issued. Before that, we had tried to get together in person to paint together. I’m honestly surprised how well the paintings turn out because none of us are professionals, but they almost always look good.

But this one is extra special. This one is an octopus. Octopuses are my favorite sea creature and my second favorite creature in general. They sit on the top with the Cats and Elephants. They are brilliant and clever and snarky. Look up some of the aquarium and diver stories about them. I love nature in general, but octopuses hold a special place in my heart.

The template was all blue and purple, but as a looked at it, I didn’t like the blue. I decided he shouldn’t be blue, he should be orange. Which immediately reminded me of Hank the septopus from Finding Dory.

I love Hank. He is cranky. He wants to be left alone. He is constantly caught up in his friends hijinks. I am Hank. If I were an animal, I would be him. He is my favorite Pixar character. Which is not an easy feat considering he’s competing with the likes of Joy, Woody, and Dante. I am almost positive Hank was based off of someone in the Pixar studio and I want to meet this person, we would be friends.

So instead of blue and purple, I painted this guy orange and red with only seven arms in tribute to my Pixar friend Hank.